Let’s not try to pretend it’s making anything approaching sense any more.
The only way that the decision-making on this season of America’s Got Talent could be any screwier is if the producers went into a ward full of pneumonia patients, asked the coughiest one to chub his phlegm up into a paper cup, and then got Paula Abdul to decide which act looked most like the bloody lung-biscuit.
Honestly, any more of this and we’re going to have to consider Plan B: sticking a photograph of Susan Boyle on the end of a lollipop stick and then holding it in front of the TV as each act performs. That’ll calm us down.
She’s dreamy.
Absolute insanity ruled on Wednesday night’s America’s Got Talent, as the judges apparently decided to abandon any pretence that the acts competing for $1,000,000 actually need to be able to do the one thing they claim they can do.
Thus it was that Tony & Rory (in theory: man throws frisbee, dog catches it, repeat) got a special judges’ pass to the next round despite the fact that they were utterly rubbish (in reality: man throws frisbee, frisbee bounces off dog’s face into audience, dog walks to front of stage and spends several seconds staring threateningly at poor sucker in third row who has suddenly found himself holding dog’s favourite toy).
We haven’t yet worked out which is Tony and which is Rory. All we know is that one looks like a gay army instructor and the other has the craziest eyes ever put into a dog’s head.
To be fair to granny-faced judge Piers Morgan, he at least had the decency to look miffed about the decision. He also tried to say some angry words, we think, though sadly all we could hear was the sound of a slug drinking maple syrup through a straw.
Next, the dancers. Quite how America could vote through the tapdancing Utah robots who are Fab Five, and ignore the super-talented acronasts of The Beale Street Flippers is beyond us. But then, the idea of looking into the minds of people who would make a phonecall in support of these shiny-smiled housewives genuinely terrifies us. We’d guess there’s probably a lot of apple pies, picket fences and ‘Whites Only’ drinking fountains in there.
Also through this week: Paradizo Dance (tiny lady lifts up fat man. That is all.); Voices Of Glory (kids with harmonies. Oh, and the useful visual prop of mother in a wheelchair.); Texas Tenors (“We’re just three Southern, Mid-Western boys.” Way to go with the multi-region shoutouts, Cute One, Goatee One and Fat Goatee One).
There you go: your weekly dose of crazy.
Do come back next week, when the judges decide to put through an act based on… oh, we don’t know, it could be anything quite frankly.
Invite all of the acts’ grandmothers on stage and have them wrestle in a paddling pool filled with donkey spunk and razor blades?
Bill says
Exactly what does a gay army instructor look like, you ignorant tool?
I guess I’d rather look like a gay army instructor than have the mental agility of a Paul Gibson anyday.
You idiot.
TIM/USA says
I THINK HASSELHOFF AND OSBORNE WERE RIGHT..
THIS IS NOT A SINGING COMPETITION AND WE ALREADY HAVE FOUR OR FIVE SINGING GROUPS BETTER THAN DEWAYNE. THIA WAS ELIMINATED AND SHE SINGS BETTER THAN DEWAYNE.THIS DOG IS SIMPLY UNBELIEVABLE… SO HE DROPPED A COUPLE FRISBEES.. HE IS STILL A SUPERDOG TO ME. I HOPE THIS DOG WINS, MAYBE HUMANS WOULD LEARN SOME HUMILITY. THE DOG IS THE MOST TALENTED.. I DONT AGREE WITH YOU AT ALL..PIERS IS NOT “THE WORLD”
GO GEARGE AND RORY!! GO!!
TIM/USA says
GO TONY AND RORY, I MEANT TO SAY
GO RORY GO!!
David L Tait says
Any show that allows David Hasseloff or Sharon Osbourne to make the deciding vote concerning talent deserves the results it’s getting. Piers Morgan should quit the show so they can have three idiots on the panel. Britain’s Got Talent is miles ahead of AGT both in talent and judging. They keep talking about the act providing an hour of entertainment and then vote in a dog act that becomes repetitive after the first ten seconds. But America is not doing much better in it’s popularity contest voting.
Angela White says
Are you cynical about everything? or just nearly everything. The fab five were awesome, it’s not about colour, they were really really tight, dynamic and energetic. Beale St flippers were awesome too, but they didn’t bring much new to their second performance. To satisfy an audience in vegas, they will have to be able to expand their act. I’m sure the fab five will keep mixing it up and bringing something new. Dwayne was a good, but not great singer. he wasn’t going to win, the dog at least added variety. I found on britains got talent that having too many singers in the semifinal, did get a bit boring, especially as most of them didn’t live up to the promise of their audition performances. It’s never going to be perfect.
BTW I loved paridiso dance, she is an exquisite dancer who bring elegance, grace and raw acrobatic skill, and he supports her really well.
jenniferwhidddon says
I thought agt was a contest for humans- which has the talent ?/ the man or the dog??/
Harry Balsack says
Sounds to me like you hate white people.
Alexscott says
A gay army instructor? Wow, you really need to grow up. Rory has more talent in one of his paws than you do in your entire body