With Idol Gives Back, American Idol tries to shed its evil corporate puppetmaster image and do some good.
And, last night, it did some good. By raising money for Feeding America? No. By raising money for Malaria No More? No. By raising money for the Children’s Health Fund? No. Last night on Idol Gives Back, American Idol did some good by grabbing useless reggae-singing grinning Osmond haircut Tim Urban by the scruff of the neck and jettisoning him somewhere far, far away where nobody will ever hear from him ever again.
What’s more, because Idol Gives Back was overrunning so hideously, American Idol didn’t even give Tim Urban the chance to sing his obligatory goodbye song. Truly, Idol Gives Back, the world would be a much worse place without you.
Although it obviously comes from a place of great philanthropy, American Idol‘s Idol Gives Back charity night understands the concept of tough love – that the most effective way to make people donate money is to put them in the shoes of whoever they’re raising money for. A night like Idol Gives Back will only be a success if it makes the public understand the true concept of suffering.
And that explains why Annie Lennox took part last night. Not because of her long and vocal contribution to some of the world’s most important charitable schemes, but because Annie Lennox is really bloody terrible, and watching her belt out of her dreary, awful songs with that overwhelming look of smug superiority plastered across her face is the closest thing to actually having malaria that you can get. What? It is.
But American Idol also realises that it has to add a little sugar into the mix, to offer people hope, and last night that was best demonstrated when Annie Lennox’s song finally ended. Oh, and also when Tim Urban was voted off at the end.
Teflon Tim, he was called. That’s not because of his uncanny ability to survive American Idol eliminations week after week, though; it was because most people wanted to crack him around the skull with a frying pan whenever he started to sing. Nobody had really forgiven Tim Urban for his first American Idol song – a bouncy reggae version of Under My Thumb which kept all the uncomfortable sexism of the original and then taped a bizarre “It’s alright, it’s alright” coda onto the end – and last night the public got their sweet payback.
Of course, it didn’t help that Tim Urban chose to sing a song by the Goo Goo Dolls – which was just asking for trouble, really – but that doesn’t matter any more. He’s gone. Tim Urban has gone. His stupid haircut and his whiny voice and his face – unlined from a lifetime of never having experienced any actual thoughts – have gone. Our wish has come true. We’ll never hear from Tim Urban again. This is great news.
Except, you know, there’s not really a reason to watch American Idol now. Oh well.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
I agree says
I glad this tool is gone too. I wanna kick him in the teeth.
Shawn says
Learning how to spell goodbye would be a way to give back to your readers.
Rich says
Finally he’s outa there! Week after week, I watch him survive and I think the teeny boppers are txting and adults like me, if we did, would have kicked him off of the show long ago. Nice kid? Sure but really didn’t deserve to be there as long as he was. Go sing in a bar Tim. This is American Idol and while you might have “Teen Idol” looks, you are not worthy to be on the list of the “best of the best”.
MrBliss says
Well Stuart, your comments are consistently negative, but then who can argue?
Tims departure was well overdue, there were far better talents dropped throughout the run up. Makes one ask who is voting? Either 9 year old girls via cell phones or the shows producers. Ack this kid was bad!
And giving back or not the show has been wrung out, runs long, drawn out and on too late. Then there is the pathetic line up of guest performers week in and week out. REALLY REALLY bad! They are losing veiwers because of both. Guaranteed!
Ok, so whats left since TV continues to be such a vast wasteland?
Chrystal has talent, no question. I like her performances. The blonde boy toy could be a contender if he would broaden his style and cut loose. But if all he has is his southern rocker soul, he wont go much farther this season. The rest, well I cant relate.
Best news would be if this was the last season and something better was coming. So contrived. Edited for your pleasure week in and week out.
wiseone says
Thanks for reminding us that Elvis Presley’s, David Cassidy’s, Donny Osmond’s, and Bill and Bob Cowsill’s come along once in a lifetime, and WERE more, MUCH more, than pretty faces.
And every one of them wouldn’t have even GOTTEN on Idol in the first place.
I dunno. Maybe if the guy was butt ugly or THOUGHT he was butt ugly he’d feel more when he sings. But then he’d never get on Idol in the first place.
Maybe failure will be able to pull some emotion out of him. It’s not like he’s not completely lacking in potential.
chelsea says
i hate tht tim urban went home i do not think he should have went home he was so cute nd he sings like an angel from above why ….. why did he have 2 go i will c u tim when u come on the show 1 of these days keep goin towards ur dream i love u in a non werid way u were my idol as a boy lol pce and love!!!!!!!!!!!
ML says
Very harsh words from everyone here. I am definitely NOT a fan of Tim and thought it was right that he left, but you people have no compassion at all, and should be ashamed of yourselves for deriding and degrading someone so brutally for sticking around in a competition solely by virtue of “other” people voting for him. It isn’t his fault that they brought him back to replace the disqualified guy (they wanted someone who ‘looked good’, I read somewhere), and it is not his fault that he has loads of fans. And, it is also not his fault that VFTW decided to back him. This is reality TV, and reality sucks sometimes. Be grateful he’s gone, but don’t be sensitive.
BTW, I know of more tweens who are favouring Lee than Tim/Aaron, while the older ones (20s, 30s) are supporting Aaron!
ML says
Sorry, typo…..I meant “don’t be insensitive”.
Lin says
Tim may not have been that great a singer but he had a very good attitude. As ML said you can’t blame the guy for others voting for him. He always made me laugh and this made the show more interesting. Some of the others can sing but boy are they boring…
SajiNoKami says
I am very sad Tim left. During the top 24 rounds, I never voted, but Tim caught my attention because of attitude, potential, and he was endearing. Started voting for him during the top 12 because he was interesting and took chances, he made a RS song reggie and slide across stage.. Tim actually made me excited to watch. He grew every week, it was a real journey for this kid. Tim was so positive and seemed like the happiest person to be there. Even in the end, Tim kept his head up and smiled, while the others just stood there, so somber. I believe s9 just lost it’s heart. I will really miss seeing him every week. I would get a record by him. I have heard his original music and enjoy it.
nancy says
“…his face
Karla says
HAHA @ “his face
tims number one fan says
you know what go freaking excuse my language….f*** urself sir…because i dont think you could ever i mean EVER sing better then this kid…do you know there were so many people who did like him…if you cant even respect these people then dont write about them you sir…are mentally stupid…i am ashamed that you wrote here….i am very sorry for all the Tim fans..this man is just a so called hater nothing more…
tims number one fan says
this is for you TIM?
richard says
u dont like tim because u r old and ugly and can NEVER get anyone as cute and talented to look ur way. Oh and ur a loser
Lisa says
Usually, I love to read the snark, especially about the cheesefest that is American Idol. But I think Tim is a lot smarter than you give him credit for. He is very articulate in his interviews, and that already puts him ahead of Lee, Casey, Didi, Siobhan, etc. He stood up to the pressure of being judged by millions of people. I don’t think he’s an airhead, like some other reality show stars, like Kim Kardashian or Heidi Montag. Did you know that Tim did mission work in Africa last year? He visited orphanages there, which is probably more than what some other Idol wannabes have done. It’s easy to make fun of the AI contestants, but some of them are actually decent, intelligent people. You wrote about Tim like he was that slimy Corey Clark from season 2! I think you’re taking the Tim hate too far. This is a televised karaoke contest, not the Presidential election.
Hono says
i seriously dont care bout him cuzz i honestly think this show is gay but i have to watch it when my gf does so yeah this show is pathetic
Mandy says
You guys are so harsh. Grow up… You know you have a life when you have to sit at your computer and type mean articles about somone more successful than yourself.
I thought Tim was really good, he also was nice, and he actually seems alot smarter than you give him credit for. He has such a positive additude about things unlike siobhan who has to talk back at the judges after every bad comment..He isn’t performing for the people who don’t like him he is there for his fans so get over it.
CC says
I went to church with Tim and his family back in Texas, and I can tell you that those of you who say he seems like a really nice, decent, intelligent guy are absolutely right. I think it’s sad that him being such a decent young man is so repulsive to some. What’s the world coming to?
No, I don’t think he was the best singer on AI, although I supported him 100%. I’m proud of him for sticking to his guns through some harsh (downright HATEFUL!) criticism for everything from his hair to his smile to his voice to closing his Facebook updates with “God Bless”. He definitely showed the world that he can “turn the other cheek” and keep on trusting God has a plan for him.
By the way, I seriously doubt you’ll “never hear from Tim Urban again”. He made it that far on AI, and I’m confident someone will throw a record deal his way.
Katie says
Tim Urban was the best signer on American Idol and he should not have been voted off. If Tim ever reads this I want him to know that I miss him soooooo much and even almost 8 month later i still think he is the best i can’t wait until he releases an album!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!