Remember when we told you that American Idol‘s dream judges included Elton John and Justin Timberlake?
You do? Good. And remember when you thought that Elton John and Justin Timberlake would never judge American Idol because, even by Simon Cowell‘s standards, they’d both be too ridiculously expensive? Also good. Now think to yourself – if you had to pick a judge for American Idol who was less famous than Elton John and Justin Timberlake, and so desperate for work that they’d probably do it on the cheap, who would you pick? Jennifer Lopez? Funny, that’s exactly who the American Idol producers have reportedly picked, too.
Not to replace Simon Cowell, you understand. Jennifer Lopez will replace Ellen DeGeneres. She’s left too. Did we mention that? We meant to.
Make the most of these next few days, American Idol fans, because they’re bound to contain all the excitement of the actual show without any of the danger that some gormless crosseyed nitwit with too many teeth will pop out of nowhere and start whooping about how brilliant Ford cars are and how delicious Coca Cola is until you’re overcome with a sudden compulsion to burn all of your possessions and go and live in the woods.
In other words, the American Idol judging drama has continued. The story so far is that Simon Cowell left and the the producers are toying with the idea of sacking everyone else and replacing them with famous singers. Since then, Ellen DeGeneres has decided to leave American Idol and it looks very much like Jennifer Lopez will be taking her place. MTV reports:
Lopez has officially inked a deal to join “Idol” and the announcement was being kept under wraps until DeGeneres’ exit was made public. Lopez’s manager Benny Medina set up a meeting with “Idol” producers and the singer’s camp has been negotiating the deal for about a month.
That’s great news – Jennifer Lopez will be the perfect American Idol judge. Especially when it comes to comforting the eliminated contestants because, having been dropped from her record company earlier this year, she’ll be able to relate to the sting of bitter rejection better than anyone. Obviously it won’t be an entirely painless transition for Jennifer – she would have much rather replaced Randy Jackson, because his seat will have more pronounced buttock-grooves embedded in it – but she’ll be fine.
And there’ll be more new judges coming soon, if rumours emanating from American Idol HQ are anything to go by. Apparently Jennifer Lopez will soon be joined by Jessica Simpson and Steven Tyler. So that means the producers are now shelling out for Jennifer Lopez’s faded popstar glamour, Jessica Simpson’s babbling incomprehensibility and Steven Tyler’s bizarre physical appearance. Seriously, they could have got all that from just re-hiring Paula Abdul. Talk about inefficiency.
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