Tragic news. Amanda Bynes – who apparently starred in a film once or something – has given up acting.
She was 24 years old. Bynes – who some of you might sort of recognise from films that were either the only entertainment option on a long-haul flight you once had or on television in the background during a minor public holiday when you were trying to read a newspaper – made the announcement at around 1am on Saturday on Twitter, just after announcing that she ‘hates perverted dudes ew’ and that she likes ‘black men I’m very attracted to them’.
So farewell Amanda Bynes. We’ll miss seeing you in films like… um… oh. Well, take care anyway.
We’re just kidding. Of course we know exactly who Amanda Bynes is. For instance, for the purposes of this article, we know that IMDb says she was in something called Big Fat Liar (which we always assumed was a Drew Barrymore film), something called What A Girl Wants (which we thought the Olsen Twins were in) and Hairspray (which we thought only starred Zac Efron and John Travolta).
So, now that we’ve established her credentials as a 24-year-old woman who made about three or four films that we haven’t seen several years ago, we can safely report that Amanda Bynes has retired from acting. Forever. Here’s how Amanda Bynes broke the news to her followers on Twitter this weekend:
I hate perverted dudes ew. I love dudes that know how to respect a woman like me… I only smile if I’m happy if you catch me smiling I’m happy. I save my energy for someone who deserves it and earns it. I like black men I’m very attracted to them just fyi. I’ve never written the movies & tv shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play. Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem. If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it. I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it. I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve #retired.
Now we know what you’re thinking – if Amanda Bynes is really retiring from acting then who’s going to star in all the films that Hilary Duff doesn’t want to star in? Well stop being so selfish. For now, let’s just concentrate on the announcement itself. We don’t know what prompted the outburst, or how sincere it was, or even what Amanda Bynes plans to do now that she’s given up acting but, on the basis of her announcement, we think she’s got a wonderful career ahead of her as a sort of free-form abstract poet.
Or, you know, failing that they’re always looking for checkout girls at our local Superdrug. The world is probably something that vaguely resembles your oyster, Amanda. Or an oyster. Or something.
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Impulse Magazine says
This won’t last long because she will start to run out of money
Lisa says
Stuart, you are one bitter & ignorant prick.
Laura Hopkins says
Wow whoever wrote this article is a complete tool. And has obviously never seen She’s the Man. I know kids from the 90’s will def miss Amanda Bynes. I will miss her! She is absolutely hilarious!