Megastars, religion, brainwashing, oddly-placed swearwords – what else could Alex Rodriguez’s divorce possibly be missing?
Oh yeah, that’s right – marital espionage. Luckily Alex Rodriguez’s soon-to-be ex-wife Cynthia has cottoned onto this and decided to accuse Alex of having her followed and tapping her phone.
If it’s true and Alex Rodriguez has been spying on Cynthia’s movements, it’s a pretty low thing to do. Imagine if Cynthia secretly bugged Alex – he wouldn’t like it very much, would he? Of course, it’d be easy for him to tell – if Cynthia was eavesdropping all the conversations between A-Rod and Madonna, then she’d have ended up being brainwashed into joining a spurious-looking religion as well. Foolproof.
Madonna’s always had a lot to answer for, you know – whether it’s all the bad movies she’s been in or the way she’s started widespread teen crazes like getting off with black Jesuses or having a wank near the Pope – but this time she’s gone too far. This time Madonna has got us interested in a divorce between two celebrities we really couldn’t give a sloppy plop about.
By which we mean the divorce between Alex Rodriguez, an American netball player or something, and his wife Cynthia. They’re getting divorced, in part, because Madonna might have used the ancient magic of Kabbalah to seduce him into thinking she was his effing soulmate. And now we’ve cracked the door to have a peek at Alex Rodriguez’s divorce, we’ve been floored by the Jumanji-style tidal wave that’s poured through.
This time, Cynthia Rodriguez is trying to make Alex Rodriguez admit that he’s been spying on her to try and spice up his side of the divorce. E! Online reports:
According to a routine motion filed last week in Miami-Dade Circuit Court, Cynthia Rodriguez is asking for any tape recordings, photographs, reports from investigators and all other evidence of shadowing “or other electronic surveillance conducted by [Alex] or others on [his] behalf.”
We’re praying just about as hard as we can that Alex Rodriguez didn’t spy on his wife, because there’s only one event that we can imagine he’d want to spy on – Cynthia Rodriguez’s jaunt to Paris with Lenny Kravitz. And the connotations of one grown man paying another grown man to try and take pictures of Lenny Kravitz having sex is just too gruesome to contemplate.
Hopefully this whole spying thing will be nipped in the bud now, because we don’t want to get a few months down the line and discover that Madonna’s been paying someone to wiretap Guy Ritchie’s phone as well. Forcing someone to listen to Guy Ritchie relentlessly droning on about his new movie probably constitutes torture, we’d imagine.