In case you haven’t noticed, I’m really into celebrity culture, and, for the most part I find it all pretty fucking entertaining. Most celebrities seem to find the humor in the whole “celebrity” thing, but some of them are just so goddamn intense that there aren’t enough chill pills in the world to calm them down.
After close review and severe eye-rolling, here are 10 celebrities that really need to learn to calm the fuck down and get out of their own assholes. As I am not a celebrity, no, I have not included myself on this list.
Lana Del Rey
Don’t get me wrong, I really like Lana Del Rey’s music, but all she fucking does is sing about being sad, guys who do drugs and leave her, daddies, and wearing red dresses. EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME! And all she fucking talks about is how sad and wah wah wah she is. Bitch, you need to calm the fuck down and get away from this depressed too cool for school shit. Enjoy your success for fuck’s sake.
Lady Gaga is like the number one female celebrity that needs to calm the fuck down and stop taking herself so goddamn seriously. You make fun pop jams, stop acting like you’re a modern Van Gogh or whatever. Do I think you’re super talented? I do! Did I roll my eyes into the back of my head that time you said you felt like the lyrics to “Judas” were like God speaking through you? Yes, bitch, I did. Calm the fuck down and keep singing about telephones and disco sticks.
Snoop Dogg might seem like an incredibly weird choice for this list as he’s a huge pothead who is probably the most chill person on the planet, but have you seen how fucking often his dude posts on Instagram? I’m a goddamn Instagram addict and what I post in a week he posts in 20 minutes. I thought Rihanna was bad back when she had Instagram, but Snoop is INSANE! Snoop, you need to calm the fuck down.
From a surprising person on the list (Snoop Dogg), to maybe the most obvious person on the list. Kris Jenner is a fucking lunatic momager who cares more about making her kids famous and getting paid than she does being an actual mom. She’s actually borderline terrifying and even her kids think she needs to calm the fuck down
If Lady Gaga is the most intense woman in entertainment with her head up her own ass, then Kanye West is the most intense man. From the insane, self-indulgent rants he goes on during his concerts, to the bullshit he gets on with in his interviews comparing the papps to rapists and what not, Kanye West clearly needs a lesson in calming the fuck down.
Who starts their own magazine and puts themselves on the cover of every damn issue?! Calm the fuck down, Oprah.