50 Shades of Cray: Farrah Abraham’s Erotic Novel is Coming Soon

farrah-abraham-novelI would like to point out that I typically strongly oppose the use of the word “cray” instead of just saying “crazy”, but in this case I found that it worked well. ANYWAY, in case you needed a reason to throw up in your mouth today: Farrah Abraham is releasing an erotic novel called “Celebrity Sex Tape In The Making.” 

It’s good to know that once your reality television, porn, and singing career fail miserably there is always erotic fiction. I don’t know who or what the fuck Ellora’s Cave is and frankly I’m not sure I want to know.

Here is the thing that bothers me most about all of this shit: on the cover of this shit show of a novel, it lists Farrah Abraham as a New York Times Best Selling author. You know what it lists her as that? BECAUSE SHE FUCKING IS ONE!

ugh

I’ve been working on my writing and dreaming of being a best selling novelist my whole damn life, and what do I do? I blog about bitches like Farrah Abraham! Clearly, I’ve been going about this all wrong. If I really wanted to be a successful author I should’ve gotten knocked up in high school and then pimped out every aspect of my life to the best of my ability. WHY DIDN’T MY ENGLISH TEACHERS TELL ME THIS?!

Any-fucking-way, the gem that is Farrah Abraham plans to “write” an erotic trilogy based on her sex tape and life after her sex tape. That’s write, she’s writing a sexy novel version of her sex tape. If I hadn’t already taken an Ativan tonight I’d probably need one right about now.

Here is the synopsis of this fuckery:

In The Making introduces readers to budding celebrity Fallon Opal. When rumors begin circulating that Fallon has a sex tape, scandal erupts and the world’s top media outlets are on the hunt for a story. Millions of people want to know the juicy details, and the whirlwind sweeps Fallon into a struggle between living her own life and delivering what “they” expect from the young star. But Fallon isn’t all she appears to be. Her lonely lifestyle has led to a dirty mind and she aches for a human touch, time and time again. There is something under the surface – something deeper – to Fallon Opal than just palpable sexuality and erotic fantasies.

I. JUST. CAN’T.

How many fucking times have I said that I just couldn’t with Farrah Abraham?! Is she for real?! Is this an April Fool’s joke?! IS HER ENTIRE LIFE AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE?!

This bitch isn’t even worth an eye roll gif to me anymore. Now, she gets one of these:

grossssss

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Comments

  1. MaryJanice Davidson says

    Ugh. I got my start writing for ELLORA’S CAVE and I have never been ashamed of that until now. :-(