For the most part, celebrities are pretty fucking rich. Well, at least a lot of them are, we all know Tori Spelling is hella broke, but I don’t even know if she counts as a celebrity anymore. But yeah, for the most part they have money. Many of them are #humble and don’t feel a need to rub how much richer they are than us regular folk in our faces, but a lot of them seem to love to remind me that the only way I’m going to avoid paying off my student loan is by faking my death and hiding out in the weird space between Tori Spelling’s tits (two Tori burns in one opening? That’s mean).
I know you jerks are richer than me, I don’t need a constant reminder! Even if these five don’t mean to make me feel really poor (even though some of them totally do), they still make me feel somewhat crappier about my own life. Come, let’s wallow in pity and hatred together.
Jay Z
Jay Z is all like “What’s $50k to a motherfucker like me, could you please remind me?” and I’m all like “$50k would pay off my student loan, my car, my credit card, and still leave some left for my unborn child’s college fund” (LOL, realistically I’d spend it on my family’s hopeful Christmas trip to New York next year…BUT STILL). I got 99 percent problems, and disposable income ain’t one. Jay Z is poppin’ bottles all like:
And I be like:
Scott Disick
I’m pretty sure Scott Disick only has Instagram to highlight his ridiculous wealth. It’s like “Here I am covering a sleeping Khloe Kardashian in money”, “Here I am pretending this wad of cash is a phone”, “Here I am pretending all this money is toilet paper”
, “Here I am with my 12 Rolexes”, “Here I am on a private jet.” Like, yeah, we get it, I have no idea why you’re my favorite person on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, because you are straight up ridiculous. Maybe I still like him because he’s not exactly Jay Z level classy when he drinks:
Rihanna
That bitch is ALWAYS on vacation. No, I’m sorry, she’s not always on vacation. She’s always either on vacation, getting high, attending a basketball game, or attending some sort of super fancy fashion event. All while high. I have been incredibly lucky in my life because since 2008 I haven’t managed to take one trip every year (except for 2012, I didn’t go anywhere in 2012, but I was crazy busy finishing my second degree). But Rihanna? Rihanna must fucking live on a super fancy private jet because that bitch is always partying in a different country. I would legit murder to be Rihanna. To be that hot, that rich, and have that much free time where life is basically just one big vacation? Fuck, I feel #blessed on days I don’t have to set an alarm (they are few and far between, by the way). Rihanna’s 26th birthday week in Aspen? Ugh, my dream.
Justin Bieber
Remember when Justin Bieber had that monkey? Or when he carried that snake around with him like he was Britney fucking Spears?! Or when he rented out a whole theatre to watch TITANIC with Selena Gomez?! Or when he basically wanted to be a mix between Vanilla Ice and Marky Mark? Oh wait…he’s still doing that. Justin Bieber might constantly remind me how poor I am by flaunting his wealth in the dumbest ways possible, but I never envy him. Because at the end of the day, I’m always happier to be me instead of Justin Bieber. WHO ABANDONS THEIR PET MONKEY IN GERMANY?!
Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian fucking looooooves reminding us how wealthy she is. A lot of people post outfit of the day pics on Instagram, but Kim posts her “today’s look” pics along with the names of the designers she’s wearing, just so we can all know that Kim isn’t wearing some basic American Apparel bodysuit, oh no. She’s wearing a $1,500 DESIGNER bodysuit. In fact, in case you didn’t know, her entire outfit cost about the same amount at your car LOL. And look at all this free shit famous designers sent North West! Oh, your baby doesn’t have a $595 baby Chanel bag? How sad for you. Because I’m sure North West gives so many fucks that she is wearing a Balmain blazer and incredibly uncomfortable Doc Martens. North throws more shade at Kim than I do:
Monte says
You need to do a longer list or another one as people like Travolta spend money like there is no tomorrow. Then you have others Tom Cruise, Oprah, Pitt and family etc.
CNJ says
You are so right about Rihanna, but I make myself feel better by remembering how she was a Beyonc
SnogginMySisImeanSib says
I feel so bad for that West kid. She’s got a whore for a mom and a whore for grandmother. At least two of her aunts are shady-day whores. Another is a whore-in-training; toward lesbianism no doubt. Yikes. If her father leaves she’s phucked.
kazy says
I don’t see a problem with Rehanna,because she is enjoying life in her own way and she’s happy with it. We living for happiness nothing else.
skip says
tori spelling is broke? I’m pretty sure by the time her mom gets to the end of her rope tori will end up with a few hundred million dollars.