2012 is the top movie at the weekend box office. And you don’t have to be a genius to work out why.
Two hours of John Cusack almost being smashed to death by falling rocks? Who wouldn’t want to pay good money to see that! Oh, we’re just kidding – 2012 is top of the weekend box office because it deals with the growing worry that the Mayan calendar was right and that the world will end in 2012.
And it probably will. After all, the Mayans were right about men originally evolving from mud, weren’t they? And about rain being a giant flying snake’s dribble. Nice one Mayans, you dead idiots.
Last week, the weekend box office success of A Christmas Carol demonstrated that cinema is now firmly getting ready for the festive season. And that’s been proven by the new weekend box office number one – 2012, the film about all of humanity perishing in a fiery rampage of harrowing devastation. Merry Christmas, everybody! Here’s the US weekend box office top five…
1 – 2012 (Now that he’s had Earth destroyed by aliens, destroyed by a giant lizard, destroyed by bad weather and now destroyed by an ancient prophesy, what’s Roland Emmerich going to do next? If he’s reading, we’d like to direct him to our as-yet unmade screenplay, The Day The Earth Was Destroyed By A Little Boy What Done A Massive Trump. You’re welcome, Emmerich) $65,000,000
2 – A Christmas Carol (Suffering a noticeably large drop-off in takings compared to last week. Why is this? Because there’s four times more Jim Carrey in this than in any other film ever made? Oh. Yes, that’s probably why) $22,325,000
3 – The Men Who Stare At Goats (If you liked The Men Who Stare At Goats, you’re just going to love its highly anticipated sequel, The Men Who Peek At Ocelots) $6,200,000
4 – Precious (A story about a fat woman who’s sad because she’s fat. It will win Oscars because it’s sad and it’s got a fat woman in it) $6,090,000
5 – Michael Jackson’s This Is It (This is the third week in a row where This Is It has been in the weekend box office top five. Since we heard that it was only going to be in cinemas for a fortnight, we’re sorry to say that we’ve run out of Michael Jackson jokes. Just kidding – we’ll never ever run out of Michael Jackson jokes. But we can’t be bothered to think of one right now. Sorry) $5,100,000
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societyisscrewed says
What do you mean we will never run out of Michael Jackson jokes? How crass and disgusting of you. WTF is funny about MJ? I hope your life become a media smear campaign, and people lol at you forever. ass.
RIP MJ <3
Tom J says
2012 was a good enough action movie and had some decent scenes of destruction. Unfortunately it was way too long, especially considering that the last half hour of the film is an anti-climactic waste of time. Without spoiling anything, the final climax of the film is “oh no, we need to close this door but it’s jammed with a piece of wire!!”. This is a total bore compared to the rest of the action sequences. Another fundamental problem with this movie is the fact that everybody lives. It may be the end of the world but somehow everyone survives anyway. Screw you, Hollywood.
hoohaahee says
@societyisscrewed
Take your head out of your arse, please. The pathetic hero-worshiping pedantry of you blind “MJ” fans is now getting f**kin annoying.
People who just WILL not believe the facts of a situation regardless of reason, evidence or official information can be rationally discounted as having nothing valid to say. Or a least, nothing that isn’t clouded by an illogical, non -scientific approach to reality.
“A 45 year old man sleeping next to young boys (never girls)…that sounds perfectly normal to me (as I am an idiot)”
On the other hand, you’re probably 15..
Bronzed Demi-God says
I particularly like the fact that societyisscrewed’s comment ‘RIP MJ’ is followed by what looks like a pair of youthful testicles.
Kurt says
Yip it does seem that u are an idiot – as are most of u fools – people need to let the whole thing go already – the man has passed away – let it go!…