You might think that Brad Pitt had enough on his hands, what with saving the world using only a supposedly very beautiful baby as ammunition, but then you'd be neglecting Brad's dedication to fighting zombie hoards.
Brad Pitt this week found himself locked in a bidding war for the film rights of a book. But not just any book – a so-far unpublished book about zombies by the son of Mel Brooks. And who was Brad's opponent in this bidding war? Why, none other than our old friend Leonardo DiCaprio. A shame, since we have near-conclusive proof that Leonardo DiCaprio actually is a zombie. We caught some rare documentary footage from when The Titanic sank, and DiCaprio can clearly be seen sinking to the bottom of the sea and dying, making Zombie Kate Winslet cry quite a lot.
Brad Pitt has had enough of doing good. Screw New Orleans, he has possibly thought, and screw Africa too. Brad's got what he wants – a woman to live in sin with and a baby who can force idiots to buy T-shirts – and now he can return to being mean again. Forget orphans, from now on Brad Pitt is all about the zombies.
Brad Pitt – or rather Brad Pitt's Plan B production company – teamed up with Paramount on Tuesday to kick Leonardo DiCaprio's strangely youthful arse over the film rights to the book World War Z by Max Brooks, to be published in the autumn. Pitt and DiCaprio were reportedly locked in a fierce bidding war over the book – about pockets of humans trying to survive a decade after a global epidemic has turned most of the population into zombies – with Pitt eventually emerging as the victor.
According to reports, the winning bid was has earned Max Brooks a six-figure sum, which will raise to a seven-figure sum if World War Z ever gets made. Of course, we're dying to see the World War Z movie, and equally dying to see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie team up again, in a Mr & Mrs Smith style, to play grotesque zombies who remorselessly maim and kill innocent, friendly, happy humans without a thought for the consequences or their happiness like the unfeeling monsters that they are.
Sorry, we didn't write that last bit. Jennifer Aniston must've got in here while we had our backs turned or something.
Read more:
Pitt Battles DiCaprio In Zombie Bidding War – Guardian
[story by Stuart Heritage]