Forget any of the other weekend box office wars of the year, for this weekend saw the battle of the disappointingly underwhelming puerile comedies.
In the red corner was Get Smart, the critically reviled movie remake of a TV spy spoof starring Steve Carell, and in the blue corner was The Love Guru, the critically reviled new movie by Mike Myers, a man most famous for making spy spoof movies. And which movie came out on top at the US weekend box office?
Get Smart won the war, beating The Love Guru into second place. Wait, did we say second place? We meant third place. Wait, did we say third place? We meant fourth place. Fourth place.
Poor old Mike Myers. Shrek aside, the poor man hasn't released a movie since 2003's The Cat In The Hat – a film with the working title of Austin Powers Shits All Over Your Fondest Childhood Memories – and he needed his next film to be a big hit. So what did he do?
Why, he made The Love Guru – a moronic movie with a serious message about some kind of muddled eastern philosophy or other – and let both Jessica Alba and Justin Timberlake be in it. Unsurprisingly, crowds haven't been queuing up outside cinemas slapping themselves with disbelief because they'd get to see the stars of Southland Tales and The Ten strut their stuff in the new movie by the man who squeezed three whole films out of a pair of false teeth and the phrase "Oh behave," making The Love Guru an official weekend box office dud.
Still, though, don't forget that Austin Powers sank at the box office until it slowly became a success on video, so maybe The Love Guru isn't done for yet. After all, it's entirely feasible that every other DVD, TV show, videogame and book ever made will burn down in a freak accident leaving The Love Guru as planet Earth's sole entertainment option. And when that happens, Mike Myers had better prepare himself to be marginally richer. Here's the US weekend box office top five…
1 – Get Smart (Officially the champion of lame weekend box office comedies that nobody actually seems to like all that much – which is actually Get Smart's second award after 'billionth film ever made about a man trying to swing through a window and hitting a wall instead, ha ha ha') $39,155,000
2 – Kung Fu Panda (Sorry Mike Myers – as well as The Love Guru flopping, Kung Fu Panda also looks like it's chasing Shrek down too. And it's only three sequels, a Christmas special, a 3D DVD, two videogames and something called a 'swamp karaoke dance party' away from achieving that) $21,700,000
3 – The Incredible Hulk (The movie responsible for our recent vow to never eat or drink anything made on a factory production line ever again) $21,557,000
4 – The Love Guru (It's so strange that The Love Guru fared so horribly at the weekend box office – the phrase 'co-starring Jessica Alba' is usually such a mark of quality, isn't it? Except for, you know, The Eye. And Awake. And both Fantastic 4 movies. And Good Luck Chuck. And Bill, The Ten, Into The Blue and Honey. Weird) $14,000,000
5 – The Happening (Still, at least The Love Guru didn't do as badly as the film about farting plants that make people kill themselves. It'll always have that, no matter what) $10,000,000
sherry says
Hey,
Why is it that people like you have to crap all over something or someone? Yes you have an opinion, but you know what they say about opinions? Well I’m sure you do, and I am going to give you mine. Get Smart was a very good movie you douche!
fred says
Jesus H Christ! What do you expect? Have you ever read an entry on this site before? Can you in fact read, or did some one read this entry for you?This is Hecklerspray, a site that has built its entire existence on doing exactly that, crapping all over people and, mostly, being very funny about it. It’s a joke. A joke, ha-ha. You have heard of the concept? It doesn’t mean anything. If it upsets you that much, don’t visit the site anymore.
Oh, and I take my previous question back. Anyone characterising Get Smart as a "very good movie" is obviously either deaf, dumb and blind or just criminally stupid. Both of which would preclude the ability to read.