This could be Hillary Clinton's last week of trying to be the next American president, so now's the time to bring out the big guns.
Well, alright – not the big guns exactly. But at least the elderly, debauched, paunchy guns have been wheeled out. And by that we plainly mean Jack Nicholson.
Ahead of this week's vital Ohio and Texas primaries, Jack Nicholson has put together a campaign video of him in some of his most famous roles to drum up support for Hillary Clinton. And we're sure Jack's pro-Hillary message will get through to the two or three people who saw it and didn't cack themselves at the sight of the drunk-looking, growling, dishevelled jowl-monster who pops up at the end like the obese ghost of your abusive grandfather.
Hillary Clinton is in serious trouble. Convinced that she'd finish off her rival Barack Obama early, she threw everything she had at Super Tuesday and has since struggled to get a foothold in the running again when that tactic didn't pay off. Worse still, her Tony Soprano impersonation is just awful.
Meanwhile Barack Obama has all the momentum in the Democratic candidacy race. He hasn't just captured the youth vote like few others before him, but he's also captured the smelly old hippy vote as well, creating a deadly pincer-style movement hinged on recreational drug use and a staunch rebellion against tucking shirts into trousers. There's no way that Hillary Clinton can match strategic campaigning power like that. Or is there?
Tomorrow sees Hillary Clinton's last meaningful throw of the dice, with hugely important primaries in Ohio and Texas. If she loses them to Obama, she'll come under more pressure than ever to withdraw from the race. These are desperate times, and desperate times call for desperate measures, and nothing is more desperate than getting Jack Nicholson to endorse you by cobbling together a YouTube video made up of old films he's been in. The Associated Press reports:
Nicholson, who is backing Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton for president, took his endorsement to the Internet on Saturday with a humorous collection of clips that put his support into the mouths of his most film famous characters. "And now folks, it's time for who do you trust. Hubba, hubba, hubba. Money, money, money," Nicholson, as The Joker, asks his audience in the video titled "Jack and Hill." Then he goes on to make it clear he puts his in Clinton.
This heavy-handed show of political support is a slight departure for Jack Nicholson. Usually Jack Nicholson only speaks in public when young actors suddenly die and it reminds him of when he nearly drove a car off a cliff once, because at all other times he's running round the back of a speedboat trying to slap the arses of girls a third of his age who don't mind that a saggy old man is molesting them because he might buy them a car.
Oh, we've teased you for long enough. Here is is – the Jack Nicholson Hillary Clinton campaign video…
We know, we're just as relieved as you that there weren't any scenes of Jack Nicholson waggling his strap-on cock around. Maybe he's saving that for when semi-humorous viral clips fail and the time for direct threats of dildo-based violence comes. So Wednesday, then.
Still, at least we know now that "there is nothing on this earth sexier than a woman you have to salute in the morning." Which was certainly true of that well-known busty sexpot Margaret Thatcher. Right boys? Boys? Where are you going? Boys?
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asdfasdf says
you suck nicholson.. go to hell!! you ignorant oldie
cooday says
Robert De Niro endorses Barack Obama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akApqZPnyf4
Joshua says
Everything is such a contest these days. Politics especially. But if you really wanna know who is sexy, click my name to check out my blog.
x32792 says
A collection of “sound bits” which do not prove Hillary is sexy or presidential.