Nobody really knows what women want, but we know what Uma Thurman doesn’t want – creepy pictures of headless brides sent to her.
And that’s kind of a shame, because that’s precisely the thing that Uma Thurman’s crazed stalker misunderstood fan crazed stalker Jack Jordan happened to send her.
Uma Thurman finally got her chance to testify in her court case against alleged stalker Jack Jordan yesterday, and took the chance to list all of the disturbing stuff that he’d sent her in the past. And most could agree that Uma Thurman gave a good performance on the stand. OK, a decent performance. Nobody walked out during it, at least. So, you know, it did better than Paycheck.
There’s such a fine line between appreciation and obsession, isn’t there. Sometimes it’s hard to see the line. For example, why is it OK to compliment someone on their work but less OK to send them a stick figure cartoon of them saying “tee hee” as you topple from a giant Acme razorblade into an open grave? Aren’t they essentially the same thing?
Jack Jordan obviously shares this confusion, which is why he’s been in court all week facing charges of stalking and harassing Uma Thurman. Throughout the week we’ve seen several sides of Jordan – his own lawyer says that he’s a harmless misguided romantic at worst, while Uma Thurman’s parents painted him as a disturbed man who threatened to kill himself if he couldn’t be with Uma.
Perhaps we’d all have a better handle of what Jack Jordan’s obsession with Uma Thurman was about if we heard from Uma Thurman herself. And that’s why Uma Thurman took to the stand yesterday to describe her experiences of being the focus of Jack Jordan’s attention. As the New York Times reports, the key moment came when Uma Thurman revealed what was in a package Jordan sent her:
Little pieces of torn paper, a dollar bill and a picture of a headless bride fell out of the envelope, she said, along with a store-bought religious confirmation card for a child. On the front was a dreamy pastel image of a small blonde girl, a spray of pink flowers and a dove. On the back was a crude pen-and-ink drawing of a male stick figure — apparently meant to be Mr. Jordan — walking off the edge of an Acme razor blade into an open grave next to a female stick figure — apparently meant to be Ms. Thurman — with a thought balloon over her head saying, “Tee-hee.”
Oh, that’s not all. Uma Thurman also revealed that written inside the card was a spiral of words, many of which had been scribbled out, including ‘chocolate’, ‘soft’, ‘mouth’, ‘kissing’ and the inevitable ‘my hand should be on your body.’
Just one hand, you understand. Even Jack Jordan doesn’t like Uma Thurman enough for a two-handed Uma-fondle.
During her testimony, Uma Thurman appeared to be torn between the terror that she understandably went through during this ordeal and a sort of resigned pity about helping to send a man to prison. In fact, her weary, drawn testimony was a reminder that being subjected to this kind of ordeal can have a profoundly upsetting effect on someone’s life.
Now, if only Jack Jordan had done what Colin Farrell‘s stalker did and made a funky pop song about his stalking adventures, then it’d be much easier to poke fun at him. Stupid Jack Jordan.
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The REAL Milton says
I don’t see what he did that was all that big of a deal. Why if I was brought to court for everytime I sent a love interest a childs confirmation card with a doodle on the back of her and I lying in a grave…
Of course I guess I am writing this from a state prison…