Admit it, you thought that Tom Cruise would never make Mission: Impossible IV. Or you just hoped he wouldn’t.
Either way, you’re wrong. Now that he’s back in the big league, having made a boring film about Hitler and a boring film about some lions, Tom Cruise is ready to get back to doing what he’s most famous for. No, not rabbiting on about Scientology like a wild-eyed zealot. And, no, not getting married to unexpected women who he seems to have an over-compensatory amount of love for. And not whooping with so much intensity that you fear he might be about to suffer some kind of nightmarish anal prolapse, either.
Making Mission: Impossible films. We meant that Tom Cruise has agreed to make a new Mission: Impossible film. Honestly, what is your problem?
First the details. Tom Cruise has signed up to star in and co-produce Mission: Impossible IV, with May 2011 tentatively announced as a release date.
Now the connotations. With only 15 months until its release, Tom Cruise will need to pull out all the stops. A script will need to be written or, at the very least, polished to meet everyone’s expectations. A director will need to be found. Actors will need to be cast. It’ll need to be planned, rehearsed, shot and edited in an incredibly short amount of time.
What’s more, since Mission: Impossible IV will mark Tom Cruise’s return to the A-list after several years in the wilderness, he’ll to work out a promotional strategy that’ll get him noticed to such an extent that he’ll completely overshadow the film. Maybe he could get Katie Holmes pregnant. Or maybe he could divorce her.
Or maybe he could divorce her, remarry her and then get her pregnant so that the birth of the child exactly coincides with the Mission: Impossible IV premiere, allowing Tom to deliver the baby on the red carpet, triumphantly hold the child up to the sky like in The Lion King and then chow down on the placenta in front of everyone.
Or maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves. In a story that you must read, purely because the picture of Tom Cruise and JJ Abrams doing the “No, YOU’RE the man!” mutual finger-point will make you want to smash your own skull to pieces with a cricket bat, BBC News reports:
Tom Cruise will return as Ethan Hunt in a fourth Mission: Impossible film to be released in May 2011, US movie studio Paramount Pictures has confirmed. JJ Abrams, who directed the third film in the franchise, will co-produce with Cruise. A director has yet to be named. “Tom and JJ are great talents and we are excited to be working with them,” said Paramount chairman Brad Grey.
There have been no clues about the plot of Mission: Impossible IV but, since Tom Cruise will be close to 49 years old by the time it comes out, there’s a good chance that it’ll have to reflect his creeping middle age. Maybe the impossible mission this time will involve him trying to go a whole night without having to get up for a wee. Or something.
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zenster says
Cruise is a retard and no one is going to go see this movie
Sonja says
You couldn’t even pay me to watch anything with Cruise in it.
There is something seriously wrong with that guy.
TomCruise_ismybabe says
OMG I LOOOOOVE TOM CRUISEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Janice says
Surely Cruise is more famous now for rabbiting on about Scientology like a wild-eyed zealot than anything else, those MI films are old, like Cruise. The guy is a walking poster boy for the cult, he should stick to what he knows, Scientology and the history of psychology, well perhaps not the last one.