Oh dear GOD! SuperHeavy – the collaboration between Mick Jagger and Eurythmics founder Dave Stewart, alongside Joss Stone, Damien Marley and Oscar-winning composer A.R. Rahman, wasn’t a sick joke after all.
See, it’s obvious what’s going on here. We’re dealing with the folly of the jet set. They’ve looked at absolutely everything they like and thrown it all in the same pot.
It’s like someone offering you a plate with all your favourite food on. Imagine a mixture of fish ‘n’ chips, a hamburger, apple pie, a cup of tea, blue cheese, Coco Pops, gumbo, bacon, 4 pints of beer and a punnet of strawberries all blitzed in a blender and offered to you as something worth downing.
Ostensibly, what’s going on here is an exercise in cod-reggae. We’re experts in cod-reggae and this hums of it. What’s worse, SuperHeavy are literally throwing everything they’ve got at the project with all the subtlety of a brick being inserted into your tear duct.
Lead single, Miracle Worker, sees Damien Marley saying the word “preposterous”, while Mick ‘n’ Joss prance around like they’re Peter Andre doing Mysterious Girl. Meanwhile, Dave Stewart hides behind a beard, shades and hat combo embarrassed of being alive.
Considering Dave Stewart’s questionable musical past, that’s saying something.
If you haven’t heard it… and you almost certainly haven’t, here it is.
Fact is, in an interview with the Associated Press, Jagger reveals more horrors.
When asked about his rapping skills (yes, you read that), Jagger said:
“I was just copying Damian. I do a little bit. I went toasting, we call it, but it is the same thing. Damian was doing this really good toasting, West Indian rapping, so I thought, “I could do that. It can’t be that difficult.” It actually was quite difficult. With a bit of practice, it is all right. It is a laugh.”
Get that. Jagger. Rapping. It’s a sound that will chill you to your core. Even Mick had his concerns, which as usual, he didn’t listen to.
“I said to Dave … “Is this really stupid?”“
Yes. Yes is it. It’s an idea utterly bereft of the soul of the music you so greatly admire. Miracle Worker – as is the whole damned album – is to reggae, what a glittering yacht is, watching the slums of Kingston from a very safe distance through a telescope.
They should’ve called this project United Colours of Reggaeton.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!