Good news everybody. John Lennon wasn’t gay, and he never once longed for a fleshy-fencing match with Paul McCartney, if you catch our meaning.
This is new information recently come to light due to some guy’s brand new money-grubbing book. Well, actually the reverse information came out in his book, meaning of course that tucked away in one of his chapters is a little segment where Lennon wanted to fertilise all of Paul’s lady-eggs in the worst way.
Since the book came out someone asked Paul point blank if it was true – and he said aside from a little light necking, John had never, ever expressed any such desires.
Or something like that anyway. We’re actually not sure if that ‘necking’ part was really in McCartney’s answer or not.
The babies John Lennon and Paul McCartney made together were musical ones – and chart climbers at that. There was absolutely no semen involved, and none of the vinyl records ever divided into zygotes. If they had we probably would have noticed baby bumps on one of the two men. Or possibly both.
We’re not really sure how it works when two gay men decide to make a baby together. If it’s twins, sure, why couldn’t they each carry one? If not now, then maybe in the future when science has successfully made plaster wombs that are surgically implantable just above a gentleman’s menstruating gonads.
Anyway – there’s an author named Philip Norman who calls himself a Beatles biographer. He just wrote a gay themed book (called John Lennon: The Life) about Lennon and McCartney, and in it he says, according to the Sun:
“…that John wanted to form a gay relationship with Macca.”
The book also claims their best songs were written:
“…while McCartney & Lennon had their nipples slathered in mustard and firmly pressed together.”
Many creative liberties taken on that second quote. That first one is the real deal though! Isn’t that exciting?!
McCartney denies it all flat out:
“I don’t think (the gay claims) are true. John never ever tried anything, I slept with him a million times. I’ve seen him on tour roaring drunk, out of his mind in the early days before he sobered up and went to rehab. Roaring drunk and it was always with a female, never once. If you’ve got a little gay tendency and your roaring drunk I’d have caught him once.”
Well that’s a blow to the gay community, but a boon to those of us who love Freudian-incest. We meant those of you. Well that last sentence must be confusing. But maybe this next quote, also about the new book’s content, will explain things:
“It also accuses the legendary singer of fantasising about having sex with his own mother.”
In John’s defence, his mother had her hair done at least weekly, and her lips were perfectly plump.
As the story goes, McCartney and Yoko Ono are pretty ticked about John’s newfound man-drooling, mother humping ways, and they deny everything outright.
But their edit wouldn’t move as many copies now, would it?
Julian Mentat says
He was the Eggman.
Diane says
These quotes were all taken out of context. The book isn’t “gay themed” at all. It’s a serious biography of Lennon. The author previously wrote a Beatles bio called Shout that came out in early 1981. In this new book, he writes, John suggested to Paul that since they were supposed to be such progressive, forward thinking folks, they should sleep together. Paul said no, not interested. End of story. It’s one paragraph in a book that runs over 800 pages. Yoko read the book a year ago (according to the epilogue), so if she was really bothered by anything she’d surely have spoken up before now. People who read the book expecting something salacious on that score will be sorely disappointed.
euclid says
Oh come off it Diane. Everyone in the whole fucking world
had sex with Mustard John. He was beyond gay. He was a pansexual
labyrinth, an enigmatic egoist, a Liberian libertine librarian of
the sexual senses. He was The Fuck Itself. And we all have the scars
to prove it. Get off your high horse. And once you’ve gotten him off,
get under him and discover yourself. And dream of Mustard John.
J Bollocks says
mmmmmmmm Mustard John
(shit here comes a whole of load of freaked out nightmares)
Theoneidget says
This statement from Paul is not recent. It is from a several year old interview he did with Howard Stern in which he was asked about John/Brian Epstein having a sexual relationship