Single? Lonely? A Little Bit Desperate? Susan Boyle Needs A Lover

It’s easy to get indoctrinated – you’ll often find yourself being presented with something that gets repetitively drilled into your head.

The same facts are repeated again and again, generally making it hard to recall any information other than what’s been force-fed. Take weedy Coldplay for example. Can you name anyone else in the band apart from Chris Martin? We can't.

And all we know about Susan Boyle is that she didn't win Britain?s Got Talent despite the whole world egging her on. Oh, she's never been kissed either. With only her cat for company, Susan has suffered when it comes to the romance department. Being dubbed the ‘hairy angel’ doesn't help either. But, oh boy, Susan Boyle’s out to chance all that, the randy cow.

Valentine?s Day has just gone and it looks like poor Susan Boyle missed out on Cupid’s arrow yet again. Did she really miss out? Or was it because poor Cupid realised that he couldn’t make an arrow big enough to fell loveless Susan Boyle? Don't get us wrong, we're not saying she's fat – but, Christ, she doesn't do herself any favours. When she first appeared, it seemed that a frumpy ghost had been dragged through a sewer and kicked in the shins to give it an added wonky walking ability.

However, you do have to give Susan Boyle some respect. After Britain?s Got Talent, she could have simply copied all the other pop stars riding high in the charts. Just like Lily Allen, Susan could have picked a fight with a random singer, say Florence from Florence And The Machine and called rude names about having ginger hair. Or, she could have given up on music like Liam Gallagher and launched a line of overpriced poncy clothes.

Don't go worrying about Susan now, nobody has to call the nuthouse and ask if they?ll readmit her. She hasn't reached the stage where her pet cat has been dressed up in animal clothing and taken out to the finest restaurants for a romantic meal. Nor has the singer covered herself in kebab meat whilst howling at the moon. Her brother expressed concerned for her, telling The Daily Record:

“The one thing she wants above all everything else is love. Who doesn’t? Susan knows she can jet anywhere in the world first-class, eat in the best restaurants and stay in the top hotels but that means nothing if she doesn’t have anyone to share those moments with.?

we're amazed that Simon Cowell?s head hasn't exploded with ideas in order to exploit this yet. Imagine the countless TV shows that could be created for Boyle. Around The World In 80 Dates With Susan Boyle, Snog, Marry, Avoid: Susan Boyle Special, I Dreamed The Lover’s Dream and Deflowering The Hairy Angel. All instant classics. Well, perhaps for Channel 5.

Who knows, you might not need to do any hard work like taking her out on a date. Seeing as though Susan Boyle is a little bit mental, she might just don some face paint, dress in leaves and chase after you if she fancies a sloppy kiss.

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