In what can only be seen as a classic case of people not doing their research, reading the Twilight series or paying any attention to the world around them, Robert Pattinson has sensationally not won the title of Most Eligible British Bachelor.
The man who portrays the character of Edward Cullen so wonderfully, in a manner which makes you think he even bothered to read the book (he probably had a spare afternoon), the man with a face he openly admits looks like a featureless wall of plaster and he with a personality to match didn’t win it.
What has the world come to?
The sacrilegious list of hate towards everyone’s* favourite not-at-all-a-bit-gay vampire was compiled by Company magazine and placed both Prince Harry and that one who’s a bit grey, George Lamb, above “Rob”.
Many expected the new darling of Hollywood and hecklerspray to romp to victory in the rankings, but it would seem that a dull Big Brother presenter and a ginger boy who likes dressing up as a Nazi are literally better people than Robert Pattinson.
That doesn’t bode well for the man-boy, if that’s the kind of competition he’s failing to beat.
Claims are being thrown around that the Reason Comas Exist didn’t win because of biased voting, with Prince Harry’s alleged ladyfriend on the voting panel thus more or less guaranteeing his victory with her apparently superpowered single vote.
We’re not ones to comment on matters of speculation, but: FIX! It’s a definite fix, Robert Pattinson should have won it. He should have won it even without a face. He should have won it so hard the magazine was sent back in time and everyone involved with the voting died of immediate brain explosions.
Not that we’re ones to comment, or anything.
Company editor Victoria White denied any dodgyness, however, stating:
“The decision was unanimous. Our readers are really starting to love Prince Harry and see him as a highly eligible bachelor – he’s posh and polite, yet rugged, fun and down-to-earth at the same time.”
FIX!
The top ten, in full, goes thus:
1. Prince Harry
2. George Lamb
3. Robert Pattinson
4. Noel Fielding
5. Paul Sculfor
6. Ed Westwick
7. Guy Ritchie
8. Jack Penate
9. Sam Branson
10. Jamie Dornan
We have to admit to not actually knowing who three of those people are, but we can guess that they only lost out to Robert Pattinson because they haven’t been in a bigish film recently – otherwise they’d clearly grab an easy victory over the singing sensation (he can sing too!).
Oh, no, wait – FIX!
* That’s if you count tweens and shrieking, reactionary 48-year-old women as “everyone”.
Anna says
OMFG. You’re so jealous. Bet your gf is ugly, stupid and boring and you wish you were on this list.
Oh. Wait.
Shit. Ow.
mel says
Could it be the reason he DIDN’T win is b/c he’s not ELIGIBLE?
caro says
it’s very shocking i wanted him to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sara says
I admit to not knowing who any of the other people are, but I’m glad Robert Pattinson didn’t win. I read the twilight books, and he doesn’t even look like Edward. Though maybe I’m biased. I hated Edward in the books.
ashley says
who cares? he won lots of awards in tha U.S besides he gorgeous he dosnt need awards!!
Soozie says
hah :) good for Rob, this is the LAST thing he really wants if you ever read anything or watched anything he’s said.
Let the guy be 23, work and enjoy himself (and yes at 23 that means jumping pretty much every girl or boy you can).
Why are we judging him so harshly. He’s adorable but good lord he’s 23! He still has so much to do, so far to go that it’s bizarre to see what’s happening to him. I hope he doesn’t let it affect his work in the future, we’d all be missing out on so much
Now be good kiddies and go watch How to Be, personally I think it’s his best work and he looks like a dork! :D
But I love dorks
:)
Sparrow says
*lol* He’s already affected. He was almost run over by a taxi in NYC because the crazy fangirls wouldn’t leave him alone. He was trying to get away from them and he got hit.
Pattinson is fugly. Just look at the pic they used for this article. That pic alone says it all.
Sal says
He doesn’t think he is good looking. Why are people so quick to call him “fugly” and make negative comments? He doesn’t self promote. He took a role in a movie that happened to be a huge teen hit and he’s now hounded by girls non stop. I am sure he doesn’t want to be on any more vanity lists. The guy doesn’t walk around dressed up and pretty. It’s obvious he’s not trying to impress anyone when he’s on his own time. Let the young guy be! And don’t be so harsh. He’s got talent/charisma-that’s for sure.
Rohita says
how the hell did vampire boy beat old gregg, now that’s a bloody disgrace. stupid poms, dont know whats good with them. i mean i would take a green man dressed up in a tutu any day over a guy who has caked on the makeup