Phones are still being hacked, seriously?? That's so twenty minutes ago. Hasn't this Steve Coogan guy and some woman called Sienna Miller had their fifteen minutes? Someone told us that's all we're allowed and we intend to use ours for more than pissing and moaning.
We intend to use ours to inflict unflinching, often nauseating, assessments of society on you in the hope that one day we can better ourselves.
A woman who has made the world want to better themselves by being a complete and utter waste of living tissue is Florence, of the Machine fame.
Her despicable band has unleashed a new video upon us; it's racist. ?The song is ?No Light, No Light??good start Flo?and the video directed by some Icelandic folks is all about the glitzy lives of the white bourgeoisie, represented by the fire haired vixen herself Florence.? With overtones of British imperialism stabbing you in the face it's hard to pick up on much, but don't worry, it's not that subtle. You’ll definitely grasp the racism.
Notice the characters in Blackface?? Yeah they're evil and, erm, Florence and her choir boys are your puritanical whitewashed fantasy.? They should have just cut the music and played the Neo-Nazi banjo boys in out of solidarity.? If you're a raging penis then please watch the video here, it's got a massive budget.
Anyway. We feel a little genuinely angry after listening to ?212?, the never-before-heard-hit by super cool Azealia Banks; it's just bounce music and swearing, not even very good swearing. The video is appropriately naff which undoubtedly represents how cocking street she is.
This child pretend conga-humps a young man, twirls her hair, and probably sucks a lollipop, all while wearing a Micky Mouse jumper! How kitsch, how twee, how unbearably fucking lovely!
We want this played at all of our funerals because we're taking you all down with us.
If you can’t be bothered watching the above video, below is a screengrab telling you everything you need to know.
You guys are all massive fans of Gallows and their new line-up right?? Yeah, we thought so, but sorry, the new video isn't on YouTube yet.? If you would like an idea of just how great it is watch an episode of Sons of Anarchy instead, trust.
DJ Shadow might want to take his own advice one of these days and ?Scale it Back?. DJ?s aren't really associated with music videos as much as other genre aficionados, but for this relaxed little piano number featuring Little Dragon the man went all out. It has a quaint little story in a big warehouse presumably where all manner of props are freely available.
Of course, it’s the usual lifestyle hip hop for whitey. Whaddayaexpect?
So many music videos to watch and so little motivation to watch them. Someone should figure out a way to build them into CD?s and then make a combined CD, DVD player that will let us view with ease and pleasure. Apparently the marketing team behind The Roots were worrying this week and decided to release all the music ever, but since we just found out Black Lips have been utilising the cast of The Wire we have a winner for the final and most coveted of spots.
?Raw Meat? sound like a band trying to cover The Ramones and The Clash at the same time then getting confused and delighted by the resulting web of simplicity.? The 70?s cop inspired video is equally wonderful in grainy black and white. Of course nothing happens, but you can see Bubbles white friend managing to keep up his ?I have a crippling drug habit? look all these years on and if that's not what you want from a music video then I just don't know what is.
Oh dear god it was co-produced by Urban Outfitters; we rescind everything just typed.
Please come back next week when we will be talking all about the death of innocence in slutty pop videos, or as is more than likely the case we won't be writing anything.
Oh guys, big news! Berlusconi managed to release his long awaited record! If your cheers have died down we would like to thank you for supporting the former Italian Prime Minister during his rough patch and for reading this column; which was clearly the catalyst for it finally seeing the shelves, now go and buy it immediately.