PETA is a dastardly lot – and when we say dastardly, we mean mostly not retarded. What we should all do is ship them to the Mid-East. Their brain power, ingenuity and resourcefulness would be enough to wrap up that whole war mess inside of a week. So thinks we, anyhow.
PETA somehow has the ability to make themselves seen or heard by about anybody they choose. What if, for instance, they wanted an audience with, say, Beyonce Knowles? What if the former member of Destiny's Child decided to auction off a dinner date for VH1's Save the Music Foundation – surely PETA'd not be brazen enough to make sure they had the winning bid no matter what!
Oh wait, yes they would. They definitely would.
PETA is powerful, especially when they get celebrity name power on their side. Like Pam Anderson for instance. She's getting ready to pose naked in a Stella McCartney London store window for a solid ten minutes – all in the name of bringing minds to the problems of PETA. Yes, yes that will probably work pretty well – and really, it's for a good cause too. hecklerspray's all for less suffering of animals. Except coon dogs – we like to see them squirm.
As we were saying, PETA's cause really isn't questionable, though their celebrity conversion tools might be. There most recent attempt on Beyonce Knowles, for instance, probably won't work all too well. The Beyonce campaign started out with letter writing and what-not, asking her to please not wear real fur on the red carpet. Harmless enough, right?
Then a golden opportunity for a face to face with the starlet arose, and it was way too good to pass up. Beyonce was gonna help VH1 save the music by auctioning off a dinner on eBay – the winning bidder, an unshaven friend that probably smelled like the pine-needle bed she just crawled out of, and Beyonce – all engaged in delightful dinner conversation about how it must be to have Jay-Z call you 'honey-muff' and probably mean it.
The problem with an open auction like that is PETA has money – lots of it. They topped the auction, and soon enough they were there with Knowles saying things like:
"Beyoncé, many of your fans would like to know why you don’t care about how minks, foxes, and chinchillas are gassed, strangled, and electrocuted for vanity and if you might have it in your heart to recognise that fur is not only cheap and tacky but also horribly cruel… Beyoncé, your fans want you to do the right thing for animals who are skinned alive, beaten, and tortured for their fur, so if you won’t accept our DVD, will you please log onto FurIsDead.com to see the video footage that inspired people to write to PETA to help to get you to stop wearing animal skins?"
Yeah, it was a real downer. The DVD they were talking about was one showing animals being electrocuted and drowned for their furs – starring Pam Anderson. They played it for Knowles right there on a portable player. And then they skinned her alive a little bit just to see how she liked it. Well that's what we heard anyway. Some PETA big-wig also said about Knowles:
"She must be truly heartless to be unmoved by the images of foxes being anally electrocuted and minks having their necks snapped."
Well PETA, you don't have to worry about hecklerspray. We've always been anti-anal electrocution, and we end it in its many forms whenever grave misfortune leads us to it. Because we once had a horrible experience on a short-circuiting mechanical bull. We won't bore you with the details. Pass the aloe.
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[story by Shawn Lindseth]
Will says
Dear 2 million members of PETA,
I live in Maine. I am 35 and married with children. I work hard to pay the bills, have a wonderful family with many friends, thank god for everything I have, and mind my own business.
Like many Americans, I have always been a very fond and studious student of our nations history. From early explorers to who and where we are today. Todays events in the world leave many questions and concerns about our lives and what time will bring. For example: Terrorism. Another example: Illegal immigrants. Another few examples: taxes, health care, fuel cost, education and so on. These are all issues that will have a direct effect on all Americans, whether or not you are a member of PETA, the NRA, or an illegal immigrant trying to stay under the radar. Now I will get to the point.
This is no time for us to be divided by joining groups such as PETA. If you think the etethical treatment of animals is more important than stopping terrorism and immigration than you need a lot of help. There is no way you have that much free time on your hands. Your ancestors hunted, fished, and trapped to stay alive, pay the bills, and feed their families. That is why you and I are here. Harvesting resources is in all of our blood, you can not deny it. If you don’t like hunting, fishing, or trapping, don’t do it. But when your actions have a direct effect on the families who lobster, log, fish, or hunt you are putting your personal feelings to save a living creature ahead of another human being soley to satisfy your own personal agenda. That makes you a terorist.
Now that you know what is most important in life I don’t know what I can do to save you all. I think it is to late for you. I wish you the best in life and hope you get on track. p.s. icfy,aywd
SomeoneWithaHeart says
Look idiot it seems that who is actually mentally retarded with an IQ below 1 is you, there is nothing worse than the treatment of animals, now a days it has been done much more suffering to animals than the whole time since they have existed, 3 000 animals are KILLED EVERY SECOND.
27 BILLIONS of animals are killed each year, all of them in horrific, inhumane ways that it seems you don’t have an idea of how this happens, you wouldn’t even want to imagine.
So what about terrorism it doesn’t happens every second or does it?
27 billions of people don’t die each year because of terrorism or do they? There are only around six billion people in the world.
Don’t tell me that people who die because of terrorism suffer as much as animals do, because they’re not even close to that kind of suffering, people is not scalded alive, right?
People is not hung down and killed with machetes down their throats, or the organs of people are not taken alive in horrific ways with knifes, or are they?
People is not brutally beaten to the ground for several times and then skinned alive.
People’s skin is not taken off while they are fully concious by terrosits or inmigrants, and if you want to know what it feels like try cutting a centimeter of your skin with a knife and you won’t bear the pain, then imagine all the centimeters of your body suffering that pain.
So let me tell you, poor thing, you are the one who is not understanding anything.
The inmigrants and terrosists stuff is BULLSHIT compared to what animals, what INNOCENT animals suffer each second, each day, each month, each year.
People does not spend their whole lives suffering under the power of terrorists or inmigrants.
There is nothing more innocent than an animal, creatures who are unable to deffend and speak for themselves, creatures who feel just like humans do, but that’s something you do not understand, you worthless trash.
If you keep thinking like that, then wait until you’re next life, when you are raised at extreme pain for your whole life, and then at the end you are killed suffering in extreme horrific ways just for some unnecessary animal products.
Because that’s how you see products, but don’t know the whole truth, the whole horrific truth behind this products, behind the billions of this products, the billions of these innocent lives.