There are two things in the world that could liven up the Grammys – one is to release a sack of hornets into the auditorium and the other is to watch Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have a bit of a ding-dong.
Sadly nobody's ever taken us up on the hornet thing, but at least Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are keeping their end of the bargain. Apparently Paris and Lindsay had a scrap at Timbaland's pre-Grammy party over which of them liked Timbaland more, or something.
We know. Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan were at a music awards party. Perhaps they were both serving drinks.
No awards show worth its salt is complete without a spot of pointless bother from a couple of vapid bell-ends, from the time that one of Westlife started a fight with the So Solid Crew at the Brits to the Pamela Anderson ex-husband scrap between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock at the MTV VMAs this summer.
Despite this, though, the Grammys were all set to go off without any incident whatsoever – Amy Winehouse let the side down by being coherent and the aftershow knife-fight between Latin Jazz Album winners Paquito D'Rivera Quintet and violently embittered losers Sammy Figueroa And His Latin Jazz Explosion never transpired – until Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan decided to have a run-in at Timbaland's pre-show Grammy party, that is. The Mirror reports:
We watched open-mouthed as Lindsay pointed at Paris and snarled: "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." To which Paris spat back: "Fuck off you bitch."
Why all the commotion? Well, apart from Paris and Lindsay's history of phone-hacking and invisible bruise-leaving, apparently both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan want Timbaland to produce their next albums. Honestly.
Like us, you were probably hoping that Paris and Lindsay had given up their hopeless dreams of becoming credible musicians to concentrate on their full-time jobs of drink-driving and having it off with loads of men. No such luck – not only are the pair of them determined to keep churning out bad pop but they want Timbaland behind the desk even though, given his successes, putting his name on a Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan album would be a bit like paying Leonardo Da Vinci to shit a moustache across the Mona Lisa's top lip.
To Timbaland's credit, it sounds as if he'd rather choke on an antelope's nutsack than produce anything by either of them. But Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan shouldn't get downhearted – they've both got their movie careers to fall back on. After all, it takes a very special person to make a movie that opens at number 40 or gets you nominated for a Razzie in the same category twice.
Read more:
Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton fight at Grammys party – Mirror
Anonymous says
Too funny! Between your above commentary, and Michael K’s (D-listed) comment about Winehouse having had a “chicklet snapped into her grill,” I will be smiling for quite a while. Thank you.