As we approach the year and a half anniversary of the death of the King Of Pop, you'd have thought that the number of stories about the tolerable, twinkle-toed man with a face like a shattered piece of primary school plaster of Paris model of the face of Bo would have begun to abate.
Clearly not though, there is still mileage from dragging out his withered corpse and dancing around on it a bit for some free publicity.
Fortunately, if, like us, you're getting a bit bored with the whole ?which government agency secretly killed Michael Jackson?, then breathe a sign of relief that novelty clothes-wearer, will.i.am has come up with a fun new game that doesn't directly involve us picturing someone poking around in the exposed stomach-cavity of a man-child, like a scene from the worlds most hellishly distressing Zombie movie.
will.i.am has devised a brilliantly entertaining twist on the whole Deadliest Warrior/pub game where you pit two unlikely foes against one another and see which one would win (you know; panther against a lion, 8 dwarves against a minotaur, Lara Croft against Jane Fonda with a machine gun, a class of privileged graduate students against an ailing and disheartened group of firemen from up North, that sort of thing) and has said that, if he were alive, Michael Jackson would have worked with Cheryl Cole.
The Sun manages to calm the voices in its head and says:
“He would have worked with her, no doubt, and it would have been something special. They are both total perfectionists when it comes to their work so it would have been something really big. It’s just a shame it can never happen now.”
See?
He would have definitely worked with her, probably. If he could fit it round all the reconstructive surgery needed to make every single one of his ball and socket joints to move without shattering when he did one of his funny little dance moves, and he could fit it in all the time he was whacked out on prescription drugs or cruising round kindergartens for the next generation of backing dancers (no, not like that. You've got to start training them very young. Also, yes, probably that). He was a busy man. Man-child. Whatever he was.
Wait, was it supposed to be a compliment or something? Sounds like she got off lightly.
But then again, he’s clearly delusional:
I told him Cheryl was the hottest thing in the UK and could sing and dance – basically, she was the complete package
Sing and dance? Two things at once? She can’t even do the one thing that she’s paid to do! (on the X Factor that is, the money you get from flogging crap to put on your hair is a different matter).
All this transparently obvious attempts to get into Chezza?s pants aside, we're left with the much more entertaining game of pairing the dead singer with famous people both past and present. Just think what the world would have been like if Jackson had been able to team up with Vladimir Putin for a version of ?Stranger in Moscow?, or with Raoul Moat on a special edition of ?Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin? or with Diana lending the vocals to ?Dirty Diana? or a touching version of ?P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)? with Gary Glitter. Magic, that's what it would have been.
Magic.
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the ghost of the king of pop says
Why don’t you lay off Michael? He is the King of Pop, the King of the World, and the most talented man that ever lived. So what if he slept with young boys, that is entirely natural, and Jesus Juice, is after all holy water with a different name. I bet you’re favourite pop star is Bon Jovi, with the big mullet, and you would like to suck his cock, whilst he reaches around the back of you, and sticks two fingers up your arse, until you come all over his face whilst singing “you give love a bad name”. And anyway, Michael is not dead, he is still alive, and monitoring your posts, and as God is my witness, he will wreak vengeance on your site, and your friends, and your family (and I don’t mean he will fuck any young children you have, as it is obvious from your writing that you are only just out of his preferred age range yourselves) with the help of George W Bush and Osama Bin Laden (who we all know are friends, that colluded on 9.11 to get Bush re-elected, and the American industry out of the doldrums) and the FBI. Just so that you understand, be nice to Michael, or else we, his loyal fans will be startin’ something on your childish asses.
Savanna says
LEAVE MJ ALONE! You are TOO rude and disrespectful of the dead!!
? says
both of you guys are fucking loons, the author of this “article” and the guy who commented “the ghost of the king of pop” all this show is your jealousy on a man that is dead and you hate. all i think is funny, is that haha, how does it feel when MJ died and sooo many ppl gave lots of love all over the world. and more than likely when you die, not even your retard of a mother would care if you die, let alone remembered. and your mom has to be a retard , if she raise a Piece of S@%% like you, who r the reason this world is a shit hole, when did being humble go out of style.
WTF are all MJ fans nutty? says
Dude take the meds prescribed, as long as their not from Dr. Murray, put down the
Barbie doll dressed like your hero, or at least stop fondling it like MJ with a house full of young boys, and take a trip outside.
Iluvmichael says
Your remarks are not funny and are disrespectful…they are borderline racist.
You and Perez Hilton must be friends
dave says
Where’d ya get racist from? Go, have a sook….what cause MJ was black (i think?) any comments about him amount to racism? fuck that he was a loony with deep identity issues and an unnatural fondness for little boys, he consciously played up his ‘wacko’ persona and if you ask me he brought a lot of this shit on himself. Keep on sucking his plastic dick MJ fans, the music was great the man was not. And he wouldn’t have worked with Cheryl in a million years, he ‘supposedly’ worked with will.i.am and Akon but we didn’t hear shit til Jackson was dead & buried, why? Cause it was crap and he knew it so he never let it get out, then he died and all these maggots are sucking his corpse dry. I’m attacking him and defending him in one post I know, I have problems committing….