The announcement has been a long time coming, but finally the Bond girl to star alongside Daniel Craig in the upcoming 007 movie is Olga Kurilenka… Olga Kurrylink… Olga Kurre… oh look, it's some Ukrainian girl.
In fact the new Bond girl's name is actually quite easy to pronounce – it's Olga Kurylenko, female star of that recent Hitman film that nobody went to see.
And if you can't pronounce 'Olga Kurylenko' now you'd better put some time in, because not only is she destined to become a big star following her Bond girl role but at some point in the next decade you'll probably wind up as some sort of cowering low-ranked manservant to an all-powerful Russian oligarch and he'll probably beat you less if you're able to say that sort of name properly.
Daniel Craig hasn't had the easiest of rides as James Bond. Derided by the world for being blonde, hating guns and not being able to drive, Casino Royale was a baptism of fire for him, but you can't deny its success. Even though interminable stretches of the movie are based around James Bond playing cards – events so drearily uncinematic that someone decided to have them narrated by a whispering bearded Frenchman, of all things, to add a bit of zip – Casino Royale was stupidly popular at the box office, taking over $600 million around the world.
But that hasn't stopped the next James Bond film from veering off-course from time to time as well. First it was going to be directed by the Notting Hill bloke, then the Monster's Ball bloke; the release date got pushed back, nobody's even thought of a name for the bugger yet and Paul Haggis had to turn in a rushed script because of the writers' strike, which heightens the potential for crappiness somewhat. But at least the Bond 22 casting is going well.
Yesterday the internet was ablaze with rumours that Gemma Arterton from St Trinians was set to become the new Bond girl, but that's turned out to be bunkum. Yes, Gemma Arterton will be in Bond 22, but she won't be the Bond girl. Still, we hear that Screaming Woman In Hairdressers 4 is a meaty role and Gemma should be jolly well pleased to have it.
In fact, the new Bond girl has been announced as Olga Kurylenko. Don't worry if you've never heard of Olga Kurylenko, the Ukrainian model-turned-actress has only been in a handful of French films and the recent Hitman movie. In Bond 22 Olga will be playing Camille, a Bond girl who – in a refreshing break from tradition – will be 'mysterious' and 'dangerously alluring'. Not much else is known about this Camille character, although we imagine that if you watch any other James Bond film ever made ever you'll probably get a pretty good idea.
Still, whatever her role entails, we're sure that Olga Kurylenko will go onto to follow fellow Bond girls Eva Green and Halle Berry into the big time. So basically that means she'll either spend the rest of her life starring as minor flying witches in cackhanded kid-book remakes or you'll soon get to see Olga Kurylenko playing the lead in Catwoman 2: Attack Of The Furballs.
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Dani says
never heard more stupid title of an article than “New Bond Girl Has Name You’ll Never Be Able To Pronounce Or Spell”
Adam Gade says
He probably couldn’t think straight from looking at the picture he used for the story. Either way, there are dumber ones out there.