Hey! Mel Gibson! Where have you been, eh? Since you sloped off the radar, Charlie Sheen has totally stolen all of your mentalist thunder. You’re looking decidedly lame at the moment. So lame in fact, that you might actually get some work again.
BUT WAIT!
What’s this then? You’ve gone and done something batdung stupid? Don’t tell us! You were found shouting slurs while dangling from a telephone pole by the elastic of your y-fronts? No? You’ve confessed to slapping Oksana Grigorieva? Silly, silly Mel Gibson.
Apparently, the best way to get one of them stupid women to come back to reality is to smack them across the face. Hopefully, with a beaver grafted onto it (yes, we hear that Mel Gibson has now had a live beaver surgically attached to him left arm, so that he can also ‘gnaw’ women back into the real world).
And according to various sources, Gibson is now about to be charged with domestic violence. To add insult to Gibson’s presumably injured hand, Oksana Grigorieva isn’t going to be charged with extortion either.
Good day at the office then, eh Mel?
Sadly for Mad Mel, he’s not been able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that his ex tried to extort him out of $15 million so she’d keep Those Tapes secret. Y’know? Those tapes where Gibson cheerily wished Oksana a pleasant weekend getting “raped by a pack of niggers”.
It goes without saying that this is all far from clear-cut and could still go either way. Mel has said that he slapped Oksana because she was shaking baby Lucia like a cocktail.
TMZ have a bit of paper which says Gibson said:
“I slapped Oksana one time with an open hand in an attempt to bring her back to reality”
It isn’t clear whether Mel has been repeatedly slapping himself over and over in an attempt to get himself back to something resembling the real world. We’re betting his has. Because he’s a nutter. A massive, massive synapse failure on legs.
Gibson could well be charged with something called misdemeanor domestic violence, which could land him six months in jail.
And when do we get to laugh at the judge’s verdict, only to show immediate remorse when we realise that this is someone’s actual life we’re hooting at?
Two weeks.
Until then, we’ll snicker about the beaver getting visitation rights to go and see Mel Gibson sobbing in prison behind a perspex screen.
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