Lindsay Lohan went to rehab last year, did you know that? Chances are you did, because that's all Lindsay Lohan ever sodding talks about.
And now, just for any latecomers who didn't know they even cared about it, Lindsay Lohan has started spouting off about her stints in rehab again.
Lindsay Lohan has told People that all her problems stemmed from putting herself in the wrong situations, and that she's changed her life as a result. Incidentally, Lindsay Lohan told People this at photo exhibition – so it's pleasing to see that she's swapped wrong situations for shit ones full of wankers with made-up names.
For the last few months we've been calling 2008 Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex for the way that she's been blasting through men with the dogged determination of a policeman walking along a seafront on a windy day trying to stop his helmet blowing off. But we have a small admission to make.
This isn't Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex at all – this is Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex In Conjunction With Lindsay Lohan's Decade Of Monomaniacal Self-Absorption. We didn't give you the full title. Sorry. You see, Lindsay Lohan went to rehab last year. She'll never recover from her addictions, but she has figured out a nifty workaround – every time Lindsay Lohan wants to fill her trousers with cocaine and drive like an idiot, she'll just blab off a toe-curling anecdote about herself to a magazine instead.
Already this year we've heard how Lindsay Lohan knows where her own head is and how she blames work for all her problems, and now she's decided to open even further to People magazine by basically regurgitating the least interesting parts of the other two interviews and squodging them together to make something so devoid of interest that we get the feeling that People was actually talking to an auto-response vending machine that just looks a bit like Lindsay Lohan:
"I think it was just situations that I was putting myself in," she told PEOPLE at a photo exhibit last week at N.Y.C.'s The Atelier. "I was putting myself in the wrong situations and I didn't have the focus in the right place." Since leaving, Lohan, 21, said she's rid herself of bad influences and hangers-on. "I did – I changed things," she insisted. "My family has always been important to me, and they've always supported me," said Lohan, who reunited with her estranged dad, Michael, while in rehab. "I'm blessed to have a really wonderful family."
Actually, we're being a little hard on Lindsay Lohan here – as well as droning on like someone with a hefty overestimation of their own importance, Lindsay also revealed that her months of unemployment are coming to an end. According to the report, Lindsay Lohan is working hard on her new album – alleged to have a soul-destroying hip-hop 'flava' – plus she's also about to start filming a new Jack Black comedy.
Obviously logic dictates that, now Lindsay's got her tits out for a magazine, this'll be a Jack Black comedy that'll get released straight to DVD and contain all kinds of awful Lohan/Black love scenes that are accompanied by sub-Kenny G smooth saxophone jazz. And, if so, it'll still be better than Georgia Rule.
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Mariah says
Will Lohan (aka Whore-han) PLEASE go away now?
It used to be that when you screwed up this much, you could never get acting work. Why is this no longer the case?
tam says
The wrong situation to sniff gear is on your jonah after driving around with it, on your jonah, then let the whole fucking world know you do the bugle, on your jonah. That’s what makes the bird spack out and need to talk about herself to every-fucking-body, she has to make up for talking to her toes alone when she’s chuffing up the chang, on her jonah. Wrong!
tam says
Actually . . .the bird shouldn’t be complaining that she can afford a shit load. At least Kate was racking em up for everyone!
fave says
She’s not getting the really good parts anymore and she has to pose naked to get in a magazine at all!! lol. She’s done and she’s just 21. She blew all her money on leggings and drugs to snort and now no one is really interested in working with her anymore. Too risky. I think she’ll fade out of sight pretty soon (if the magazines ever lose interest). If only Dina would hit rock bottom!!
Giovanni says
She doesn’t have to go naked to get in a magazine, obviously since people put her in without getting naked. The parts thing, well its just cause of stupid Hollywood executives. Hopefully she’ll be out with a part as good as the Parent Trap soon.
gir says
Is this the yard stick of Lindsay Lohan’s career? A decade-old remake of a fifty-year-old Disney movie?
Man. And I thought my acting career was a failure after a brief stint as William the Conqueror in a 7th grade production.