Oh look! It's Valentine?s Day which means one of two things: If you happen to be single and lonely like us, you\’ll be spending the day furiously masturbating whilst eating a fist full of chocolate, all in the name of creating a fake romantic setting. For the loved up, couples everywhere will be bankrupting themselves as they spent money on tacky gifts like stuffed bears that hilariously say, ?I WUV U.?
If you're a bloke and manage to get your special lady more than just a bunch of flowers for the garage that end up smelling of diesel rather than nectar, what can you expect back? Sex! Well, that's what usually happens with folk who are all loved up.
But how to set the mood? A meal that isn't microwaved? Candle light? Rose petals scattered everywhere? If you're a traditionalist yes, but now Leona Lewis can help improve the setting.
Don't worry, she isn't launching a vibrator with her horsey face etched on to the tip or launching a brand of condoms like JLS.
Leona Lewis can officially take the title of the ?most played love song.? So, when raiding your CD or vinyl collection for a song to play during your three minutes of shagging, don't put Sexual Healing on, rather, play Bleeding Love as it will definitely make any sexual act a billion times more romantic and that includes the swapping of STI?s.
Now we know what you're thinking how can a song called Bleeding Love be given such an honour? After all, the song is essentially about periods. We only thought that someone with an extreme fetish involving blood would find that vaguely arousing. But no, this poll wasn?t picked by the public, but by an organisation called the PPL. The Press Association reports:
?Her 2007 single Bleeding Love tops a list of recordings played in public, including radio and shops, featuring the word love in the title. Figures released by airplay royalties? body PPL show that one in 15 songs given a public airing has a name featuring “love” or variations.?
Let's dissect this a little shall we?
Basically any song with the word love in the title stood a potential chance of being included on this list. That's great, but we all know that the other people making up the list weren't given a helping hand by karaoke competition X-Factor; all mastered by evil musical puppeteer Simon Cowell. As soon as she won the show, the song flooded TV & radio, forcing everyone to listen to her squeal about monthly cycle.
Other rubbish songs on the list include The Feeling’s 2006 song Love It When You Call. Spiller and Sophie Ellis Bextor’s single Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love) ranking third in the list.
Basically, it's the second popularity contest she's won really. On X-Factor Leona Lewis was crowned the winner for having all the charm, charisma and personality of a mushed-up paper bag. Being played the most on the TV/radio pretty much means that you should reward the person who gets the hashtag #cake trending on Twitter. Go on do that today, just to see if we make it popular enough to confuse everyone.
we're sad that a decent love song didn't get to number one in the list. Ape man Richard Keys has also angered us. He's failed to see Valentine?s Day as a chance to release to his own romantic card with the heart warming message, ?I'd Like To Smash You.?
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samantha says
hi