If Kerry Katona came up to you in the street and tried to sell you a box of prawns, chances are you'd run away just to escape the smell of stale nicotine and slightly off-kilter look in her eyes.
But despite this, freezer-heavy supermarket chain Iceland hasn't quite worked out that keeping troubled Kerry Katona on as the star of its TV ads is roughly the same as paying biblical priests to stand at the entrance of each of its stores screaming the word 'unclean' day and night.
Yesterday it was reported that Iceland had dropped Kerry Katona in light of her recently reported screwball behaviour. Turns out that was a lie.
Being the 'face' of a company is a lot harder than it looks. If, say, you endorse watches and one day you're seen wearing the watch of a rival brand, you won't just be sacked but sued as well. And drugs are definitely a no-no – just look at how fast all those brands dropped Kate Moss after her 'drug-snorting' scandal before rehiring her for twice as much money a couple of months later.
With this in mind, though, it's hard to explain why Kerry Katona is still the face of Iceland. True, Kerry was a member of Atomic Kitten – but they only got famous after she left. And true, Kerry did win I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here – so that easily makes her as famous as Joe Pasquale and that fat panto bloke. But what else has Kerry Katona ever done?
Well, obviously there's the bitter public custody battle with that goon from Westlife, and a near-constant level of pregnancy, and photographic evidence that she smokes during these pregnancies, that weird hostage scenario she found herself in last year, the treatment for bipolar disorder and the recent news that she had a drunken pregnant fight with her mother-in-law during a party that was being filmed for an MTV reality show. And drugs. Can't forget the drugs.
And that must fit the Iceland-shopping demographic perfectly, because the supermarket still insists on using Kerry Katona for its increasingly confused TV ad campaign. No matter how badly Kerry Katona messes things up, she'll always know that her lifestyle will still effectively be funded by the sale of prawn rings.
Even though Kerry was recently voted the most irritating person in Britain, and her Iceland spots voted as the second-worst celebrity adverts, Iceland still refuses to let Kerry go and replace her with someone who has a bit more appeal, like Maxine Carr or the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, despite reports to the contrary.
Yesterday, for example, The Mirror said that Iceland had finally dropped Kerry, only for the supermarket to issue this immediate denial:
"Following the piece in today's Daily Mirror, Iceland can confirm that Kerry Katona is still under contract as the spokesperson of Iceland advertising. We are in negotiations with Kerry for next year's contract. This was communicated to the Daily Mirror who chose to publish their article anyway."
Bizarrely, this must mean that Kerry Katona's Iceland adverts work. People must actually sit at home and think "Well if a 75-piece Indian party platter is good enough for that berserk no-mark of a carcrash, sign me up for 12." But who? We always thought that that particular target market would be too busy drinking cider at a bus stop or shouting at children in WH Smiths or appearing on the Jeremy Kyle show to actually watch TV. Or that they've thrown away their TV set because they nearly electrocuted themselves on it once trying to ram a frozen kebab into the back while yelling "Microwave no work! MICROWAVE NO WORK!"
So it looks like we'll just have to put up with the Kerry Katona Iceland adverts for at least another year. And until then our Iceland boycott continues. It's Netto all the way, kids.
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kishore mehta says
Great article. Dnt give a fk bout Katona. Iceland r shit anyway. Better goin 2 Sainsburys.
tam says
any kids mum who shops at iceland should call social services
cabin3boy says
Don’t knock Iceland (apart from losing all our council money and charity cash) they will be popular than ever soon. The ex city fat cats will be as keen as anyone for their £1 ready meals.