You know Kendra Wilkinson, the topless model who used to have sex with an octogenarian to further her career?
Guess what? She’s got a sex tape. We know, we’re just as shocked as you are. Which is to say that we’re not really all that shocked, what with Kendra Wilkinson being a woman who literally shows people her tits for a living and everything.
Anyway, this Kendra Wilkinson sex tape was apparently recorded a couple of years before she became famous, and she’s now said to be embarrassed by the prospect of it becoming public. And that means that Kendra Wilkinson is embarking on a frantic two-part race – first she gets the sex tape blocked before its release, and then she tries to somehow hypnotise the world into thinking that the phrase ‘Kendra Wilkinson naked’ has never returned any meaningful results when entered as a Google image search.
This is no good, this is no good at all. Kendra Wilkinson has her reputation to think about here. How will anybody take her seriously – her, a fluorescent orange titty model with worryingly flammable-looking hair who used to have regular sex with frail old Hugh Hefner purely because she knew that she’d get a reality TV show out of it – if they knew that she once starred in a sex tape? She’d never be able to do whatever it is she does for a living these days again.
Sadly, though, the Kendra Wilkinson sex tape definitely exists and – although there are rumours suggesting that she was actually responsible for the initial attempts to sell it – Kendra is doing her best to stop the tape from ever seeing the light of day.
Which seems crazy. Anybody with the internet and the ability to spell her name can see Kendra Wilkinson’s naked body in seconds – a picture of her in a pornographically-modified American football kit, a picture of her pulling her top down in a nightclub, a photo of her licking champagne from another woman’s naked body – so this sex tape must be really graphic to warrant such panic. What’s in it? Kendra Wilkinson and two men? Kendra Wilkinson and five men? Kendra Wilkinson, five men and a horse? OK magazine, you need to tell us exactly how disgusting this Kendra Wilkinson sex tape actually is:
“When I saw it, I was shocked. I mean, I just was shocked to see a Kendra Wilkinson sex tape, but it was obvious and clear to me that it was in fact her,? the source tells OK! exclusively. As for what happens during the course of the video, the insider explains that part of ?the tape is an amazing striptease from her, and then at the end of the tape she blows a kiss to the camera.?
What? That’s it? The Kendra Wilkinson sex tape – the sex tape of a woman who takes her clothes off as a profession – is just a tape of her taking her clothes off? There’s not even actually any sex in it? That’s hardly very bloody exciting, is it? What a waste of everyone’s time. We wish we hadn’t spent so long looking up naked Kendra Wilkinson pictures on the internet now. We probably have the hardest job in the entire bloody world. Cuh.
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