An arrest and a trip to rehab within the same week? Hold the phone, Lindsay Lohan’s packed the weight on.
Wait, what? This isn’t a story about Lindsay Lohan? This is actually a story about Kelly Osbourne? But the arrest-inspired rehab visit is Lindsay Lohan’s idea! Why is Kelly Osbourne trying to copy Lindsay Lohan so much? What else of Lindsay’s is Kelly going to copy? Her halfhearted music career? Good christ, she’s even done that! What’s wrong with the girl?
Basically, Kelly Osbourne has checked into rehab for the next 30 days. We didn’t know pastry could be so addictive.
As a radio agony aunt, Kelly Osbourne holds the key to all kinds of different – yet equally universal – problems. For instance, we’ve all been in the situation where a national newspaper has printed a story claiming that a loved one doesn’t know what an earthquake is – that’s just a normal part of growing up. But what should you do in that scenario?
Kelly Osbourne knows – she thinks you should march up to the journalist who wrote the story and thump them in the face in front of several people until you’re arrested. It seems to work quite well, but only if you’re under the influence or drugs or drink or ‘personal problems’ or whatever the hell is up with Kelly Osbourne at the moment.
You see, just days after her arrest Kelly Osbourne has decided to check into a rehab facility. Which would normally be a fairly responsible thing to so, except Kelly didn’t think it through – by going into rehab, Kelly’s left Sharon Osbourne to talk on her behalf, and that’s never a good idea. Sharon told RadarOnline:
“Yeah, Kelly’s in rehab. What else can we say? She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point, and we’re proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she’s getting it. … We just pray that everything’s going to be okay… This is one of the absolute worst things a parent can face, for their child to go through rehab.”
But what could have caused this horrible downward spiral that led to Kelly Osbourne going to rehab? It’s hard to say. But, as Sharon Osbourne said, this isn’t the first time that she’s been to rehab. The first time came while Kelly was filming the TV show The Osbournes with her entire family almost five years ago. And now it’s happened again, just as Kelly was starting to film the new TV show The Osbournes Reloaded with her entire family.
No, we can’t see the connection either.
Going to rehab will be a shocking wake-up call for Kelly Osbourne – even if we read the visual clues and decide that she’s probably hooked on the contents of Morrison’s bakery aisle, breaking an addiction can be hard. We just pray that it jolts the rest of the Osbourne family into looking at their own problems, too.
Primarily Jack Osbourne. He’s been hanging out with Craig David far too much lately. There’s only so much Craig David that normal human beings can take before they lose their minds forever. We’re worried for the boy.