We've got some great news for middle-aged women wishing to make themselves look young by dating very very old men.
Ready? John Cleese from the movie Clockwise has ditched his latest girlfriend after she revealed to the world that she had been porking about her age. Oh, and also that Cleese ?got hair plugs to cover the bald patches at the front?.
Obviously, the whole lying thing was no problem, but to be exposed as a 69-year-old man who is starting to lose some of his hair? Coffin, meet nail.
British scientists have created an invisible tank (which is bad news for the soldiers inside who will now have to wear clothes). That is true.
The hummingbird monkey defends itself from attack by masturbating frenziedly and with such speed that it occasionally catches fire; the resultant lovejuice is aimed straight into the attacker?s eyes. That may not be true.
?Honestly, John Cleese from the movie Clockwise, I'm only 27 years old?. That is definitely a big wet turd of a lie.
Add it to the list of celebrity fibs: Tom Jones has a beautiful head of naturally jet black hair; Richard and Judy?s daughter is a talented young hotty who thoroughly deserves her modelling and presenting contracts; and ?Oh my God, Jessica Simpson looks hot with those muffintops?.
John Cleese?s old girlfriend has been running round shrieking that she was born in 1981, when it's obvious to everyone with more than half an eye that this was actually the year she passed her university degree (it was in Metallurgy, specialising in goldmining).
As if that wasn?t enough, she's only gone and blurted her mouth off at the Sunday Mirror, telling its readers that Cleese was not attracted to her by her sense of humour (?Actually, I first noticed that you had a perfect arse?), that she didn't sleep with him until date number three (you frigid-knickered nun, you) because ?I wondered what someone that old looks like and would I actually sleep with him?, and that has has the ?package of a 19 year old?.? Which must look very odd nestled in all those grey pubes.
So, lock up your mothers because John Cleese has ditched the aged hag and is now hot and trotting.? The man described by the ancient old crone he is no longer dating as ?not saggy down there? is out and about? and looking for love. Or at least a fit young bird what?ll make his ex-wife go ?grrrr?.
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[story by Gibbo]
euclid says
Funniest bit was the tank.
Not sure what the wanky monk has to do with it, though.
Is he in the tank with the naked tankers and
Jizzica’s muffinspot? I’m so confused… must be your jealous h8ring.
p.s. Is an article written by “HS staff” written exquisite corpse style?
Do you look at the last sentence of the writer before you carry on?
Or do you just carry on? Is that what I want to say? Did I mean it like that?
Oh, the confusement is unbearish. I must continue to Winternate.
Where’s Gir? And Stabby? And Joke Police? and Maurice? Where’s the Luff?
Joke Police says
I am here. Say Elvis three times and Maurice will come. gir was here hating on StuFan#1. And this article confuses me too.