Here's a conundrum: you see two magazines, one that promises exclusive pictures of Jennifer Lopez and her new twins and another one that's about generic mid-20th century brickwork – which do you buy?
No question – the brickwork one every time. Because a) hey, bricks, woo, and b) you really couldn't give a tenth of a rat's chuff about anything to do with Jennifer Lopez.
Still, that hasn't stopped People magazine from paying an estimated $6 million for exclusive American distribution rights for Jennifer Lopez's baby photos. We honestly can't see how Jennifer Lopez is that much of a draw, so maybe People has heard something we don't know – maybe J-Lo's twins are co-joined at the arse or something. Yes, that's definitely it.
We've never really been able to understand the rush to get picture rights to celebrity babies. Magazines will almost bankrupt themselves trying to bid for snaps of the tots, even though everyone already knows that they'll look like little tiny screaming pink Boobahs who can't stop shitting themselves.
Look at Angelina Jolie, for example – not only did she sell pictures of Shiloh Nouvel to the highest bidder for millions of dollars, but she also managed to repeat the trick with Pax Thien, who was adopted, about 12 years old and obviously didn't look a stitch like Angelina Jolie.
But, OK, that's Angelina Jolie – she's a beautiful Oscar winner shacked up with the world's best-looking man and she'd pledged to give the money to charity, so there's bound to be interest. But surely nobody cares that much about Jennifer Lopez. Her last album shat the bed, nobody goes to see her films any more and, after all that husband suing, you can't really say that she looks like a particularly nice person.
But despite all this, Jennifer Lopez has apparently sold the picture rights of her unborn twins for a record-busting amount, as Metro reports:
The 38-year-old's excessive asking price for the first look at those precious faces is a whopping £3 million ($6 million) US reports claim. Too much to ask? Maybe not, as the Latino singer reportedly has two bidders vying furiously to ink a final deal with little time to spare. Internet reports claim People magazine has bagged a deal for US distribution but a spokesman for the star reportedly denies a deal has been signed. But OK! magazine seem to be celebrating a deal, allowing them international distribution for some 15 editions world wide.
Really, we honestly can't get our head around that. $6 million just so people too stupid to wait until the pictures are leaked onto the internet can buy a magazine and spend 20 seconds mumbling about how much the twins have got Jennifer Lopez's ears. Did the price go up because Jennifer Lopez kept quiet about the pregnancy for so long? Was it a deliberate money-making plan all along? Because if it was, Jessica Alba's going to sell her baby snaps for 20p and half a stale jaffa cake.
It just doesn't make sense, which is why some sources are saying the figure has been wildly inflated. But what if it hasn't? What if Jennifer Lopez really is going to pocket $6 million just because her husband couldn't keep it in his pants nine months ago? There has to be a catch.
Maybe there are conditions in People's contract with Jennifer Lopez. We'll find that out for ourselves when Jennifer Lopez coincidentally decides to name her kids I Love People Magazine and People Magazine Out Now At A Newsstand Near You At A Low Low Price. It's either that or People has also got the rights to sell the photos onto My, Look At These Newborn Babies' Freakishly Large Buttocks Weekly.
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jonny rocket says
i want to see the birthing pics for 6 million!
yami says
You might not think she’s that famous but other people out there do.