If you discovered that Ike Turner died of something boring like pneumonia or old age or a heart condition, you'd be pretty upset.
After all, this is Ike Turner – inventor of rock and roll and wife-beater extraordinaire – we're talking about. Surely Ike Turner's death had to be as spectacular as his life.
Well it was, provided that 'Massive Cocaine Overdose' is spectacular enough for you. And, unless you were hoping that Ike Turner's death was caused by a giant robot from outer space exploding him with its death rays, hopefully this will do.
When Ike Turner died last month, it was generally thought that his passing would mark a new period of reflection for the man primarily known for being that nasty punchy bloke from What's Love Got To Do With It. After all, in his lifetime Ike Turner had shaped popular music as much as anyone you'd care to think of.
That's not exactly what happened – most obituaries were along the lines of "Nutbush City Limits was alright by, Jesus, Ike Turner was a bastard," while Ike Turner's ex-wife Tina Turner didn't give any form of public statement about Ike's death whatsoever and the only man to vocally sing Ike Turner's praises was Phil Spector, a man not exactly known for his progressive attitudes towards women.
But still, at least Ike Turner died doing the thing he loved best. No, not angrily punching a woman in the face and screaming "eat the cake!" over and over again, we mean Ike Turner died ingesting a large quantity of cocaine. CNN reports on the coroner's enquiry into Ike Turner's death:
"The cause of death for Ike Turner is cocaine toxicity with other significant conditions," Supervising Medical Examiner Investigator Paul Parker told CNN. Contributing conditions included high blood pressure and emphysema, he said. "The manner of death is an accident," he added.
So that's Ike Turner's death dealt with in full, revealing yet another bulletpoint for the footnote of his obituary. Ike Turner – inventor of rock and roll, wife-beater extraordinaire and one of the few men around dumb enough to take loads of cocaine even though he suffered from emphysema.
We're just kidding, ghost of Ike Turner. Please don't come and haunt us, you were terrifying enough alive. And don't try to make us eat any more of that ghost cake, either. That stuff is fattening.
Read more:
Medical examiner says Ike Turner died of cocaine overdose – CNN
gir says
I thought about making some joke about the racial implications of angel’s food cake and devil’s food cake, but that’s like, a lot of effort.