Malaria never really took off as the celebrity illness du jour. Cheryl Cole had it for a while and got the tiniest violin in the world out to moan about facing death square in the face – much like Bill and Ted did in that movie. However, George Clooney’s had a dose of it and he probably tried to seduce it with that handsome square head of his.
That’s right kiddiekins – George Clooney has revealed that he contracted malaria but has now completely recovered from it, and not once did any stories appear with him giving us the doe-eyes and acting all frail.
Clooney caught the disease while he was in Sudan doing some stupid charity work with the UN and Google. Apparently, Clooney and his handsomeness were trying to prevent a new civil war. Sorry champ, you’re not that good-looking.
George’s rep says:
“George is completely over the Malaria he contracted while in the Sudan during the first week in January. This was his second bout with it. This illustrates how with proper medication, the most lethal condition in Africa, can be reduced to a bad ten days instead of a death sentence.”
Yeah. Whatever. Who gives two poops about what some faceless representative has to say? WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU! OKAY? YOU CAN GO AND DIE OF MALARIA FOR ALL WE CARE!
We want to know what the ravishingly good looking George Clooney has to say. Did he beat it by raising an eyebrow and saying something kinda funny?
He says:
“Well you know, even with malaria it’s just good fun. I’ve had it twice, I guess the mosquito in Juba looked at me and thought I was the bar.”
Aww! Isn’t he just adorable? He even managed to seduce a disease riddled fly! TWICE! How many Hollywood actors can say that?
Sadly, you desperate, hormonal ladies will not be able to offer your services as bedside nurse because he’s all fit and well again. You’ll just have to put away your PVC nurse costume and rectal thermometer and save it for a rainy day.
Apparently, the pudding faced simpleton, Piers Morgan (who was interviewing Clooney) said that he’d had a few offers from people thinking that they might be more use to an ailing Clooney than, say, AN ACTUAL DOCTOR WITH A DEGREE IN MEDICINE.
Morgan said:
“Clooney malaria update: now have 24,563 offers to nurse him. But his rep says medication worked and he’s OK. Sorry, ladies. If the nursing offer still stands though, I’m beginning to feel a bit hot under the collar myself.”
Jesus Christ. Anyone game for taking that offer on? Essentially, is anyone willing to swap the notion of a charming, smooth rascal like George Clooney for the chance to dab Piers Morgan’s bedsores through the night?
Anyone? No?
Good. You’ve clearly got at least one functioning eye then.
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stella says
This is very alarming news! Either Georgie didn’t have anti-malaria vaccine before travelling to Sudan, confident he would charm the female mosquitoes out of biting him, and was so miserly as not to buy any mosquito repellents, or the vaccine clearly doesn’t work and the big pharma, as usual, makes healthy profits by stuffing people with pointless shit. Obviously, I’m worried about the second part.
marianne dunn says
just found you and think hecklerspray is great-you keep it real and then put it all in perspective. luv ya!!