we're back in the square! And things are getting pretty damned unpleasant with Harry, Vanessa and the never ending storyline.
More cars vandalised, a cat missing…things are getting out of control, a bit like ?all that hardcore dance? that Will Smith once warned us about.
…and of course, this article is riddled with spoilers, so if you read it and complain about things being ruined for you, then you’re the most stupid idiot in the whole universe. Okay? Now, let us peer into the crystal ball and look at Walford.
Turncoat Jane has agreed to cater at the Vic. Ian?s not taking it lying down. He's actually being really nice and helpful, potentially scuppering her evil plans… and meanwhile, Roxy has run out of dosh, as we know. So, in classic responsible adult on Eastenders style, she tries to win some money at the bookies.
Elsewhere, geeky lovegod Tamwar feels like a spare part hanging out with Darren and Jodie; and a misplaced remark from dad Masood makes him feel insecure about his appearance.
Max and Jack meet in R&R to discuss what to do about Harry. They hatch a plan to lure Harry to R&R where they will scare him, but they still can’t agree on how to handle the situation (a sheet over the head? Or scary mask?). But when Harry comes in, Jack just shoves him hard (good detailed plan, there). But Harry remains defiant, saying he will have the last laugh.
Later, as soon-to-be-married Jack is grabbed by two men, who pull a pillowcase down over his head and they bundle him into the car, it seems Harry was right…
Meanwhile, Ronnie is waiting for Roxy at the Argee Bhajee to begin her hen night (ambitious choice of venue), but she starts to worry when Roxy doesn’t turn up. That's cos she's skint, and doesn't want to ruin her big sister?s wedding. But somehow you know she probably will. Will she be able to rustle up some much needed cash with cheeky chappie Alfie?s help?
Well, this is a man who relaunched a pub in his father in law?s grotty living room, so anything is possible.
Elsewhere, sounds like lusty Tamwar is out of control. He tries to flirt with Stacey but it ends in tears as he makes an inappropriate comment about her being a widow (we cannot wait); and a furious Kat pours a drink all over him.
Thursday is the day of the two weddings, and suffice to say, it's not going to go off as normal. Don't want to totally ruin it, but Alfie?s going to be a total fool again, and give all of his wedding arrangements over to Ronnie at the drop of a hat, and Kat won't like it.
In fact, She'll even throw her wedding cake out of a window at him. But Stacey tells her that Alfie is the best thing that ever happened to her but she is too stupid to see it. When Alfie realises he has made a mistake and decides to get their wedding back on track, his car won’t start. Desperate, he tries to catch the wedding bus, but he’s too late. Will he be able to save Kat’s wedding?
What do you think?
Meanwhile, Max realises that Jack is missing and starts to worry. He's about to get married! Will anyone really notice if he just doesn't turn up? Can't they just shave an ape, stick it in a suit, and carry on? The Mitchell woman would remain, as they are as they prepare for the ceremony, blissfully unaware.
As they prepare to leave for the bus, Roxy asks Phil to carry her bag of money (?) but Billy steps in and offers to carry them instead. Roxy warns him to look after them carefully, knowing that the bag is full of cash to pay for the wedding. Seriously, if there's one golden rule of Eastenders, it's never trust Billy with anything. He ALWAYS screws things up. Then once every five years he's allowed to cosmically realign himself by getting badly beaten up by a gang of thugs with names like Bird.
This can't end well.
Meanwhile, Max arrives home and finds Lauren lugging her suitcases down the stairs. She is going to stay with her mum for good because she is scared of him. She thinks her dad killed Archie!
He pleads with his daughter, telling her that he is innocent and he is protecting the real killer. She finally sees the sincerity in Max’s eyes and decides to stay, and the two of them go to The Vic. But later she realises that Stacey is Archie’s killer, and goes straight for Max, telling him she knows who killed Archie…
Will the weddings actually happen? You?ll have to wait til next week to find out!