There’s that urban myth that Eskimo have three million different words for ‘snow’. Well, pop culture columnists and gossip mongers are looking at how many different words for ‘dead’ there are as Michael Jackson’s corpse is wheeled around while people mutter about it and point at it, to determine exactly how long it has been dead for.
Yep! It really is silly season now as people look for someone to blame for Michael Jackson’s death.
There’s initial hearings afoot to see if Dr Conrad Murray can be held responsible for Jackson’s passing, and of course, countless crazed fans who have vowed to never, ever sleep so they can update their conspiracy theories on their personal blogs searching for The Truth (provided, of course, that The Truth doesn’t suggest Michael Jackson may have had something to do with his own demise).
Like Tony Robinson on Time Team, hordes of people are now gathering around the remnants of Jackson and speculating about how and when he died. However, like all vaguely interesting deaths, WE MUST KNOW EXACTLY HOW THE WHOLE THING TRANSPIRED TO THE NEAREST MILLISECOND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
And so, here comes Dr Richelle Cooper to be the latest to front the queue of people to speak about the most famous cadaver in recent memory.
Apparently, the amazingly clever Dr. Richelle Cooper was sure Jackson was dead when he was wheeled into the medical centre. This seems to be based on the fact that Jackson ‘looked like he was probably dead’.
Still, that didn’t stop more than an hour of resuscitation efforts at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center – which probably meant people who weren’t actually already dead probably died because everyone wanted a go on the famous corpse, despite the fact that his survival wouldn’t necessarily mean that we’d all get some good music out of the deal.
Her opinion is that the King of Pop had died in the bedroom of his mansion, although, based on what Jackson’s personal physician told her, she didn’t quite know why.
Thus far, Dr Cooper has been about as useful as hecklerspray in diagnosing the cause and time of death of Jackson.
Of course, everyone is pointing at Conrad Murray and basically saying that he killed Michael Jackson on purpose. That’s what doctors do isn’t it? They want wealthy patients to die as opposed to, y’know, live and give personal doctors loads and loads of money for looking after them.
And so, Murray is accused of filling Jackson’s rail thin arms up with stuff that forced an overdose on him before performing the most rubbish CPR in human history. He also gifted the word ‘propofol’ to everyone as no-one had even said it – ever – before Jackson joined the choir invisible.
If you do like numbers though, Cooper testified that she authorised paramedics to pronounce Jackson dead at 12:57 p.m., but they declined at Murray’s request and because Michael Jackson is so bloody famous. After an ambulance ride chased by paparazzi and more than an hour of efforts in the ER, Cooper officially pronounced Jackson dead at 2:26 p.m. on June 25, 2009.
So there you go crazed fans. That’s when you can get your candles out and sing ‘Heal The World’ every year.
Cooper did point out that all the things Murray is alleged to have pumped into Jackson wouldn’t have changed her efforts to revive Jackson, but knowing what had gone on would have added to her understanding of why the singer had died. So basically, it looks like he would have died anyway, but we would have known why exactly. Great.
There’s more people in the queue to talk about this whole sorry affair, so we’ll be on-hand to dismiss it all because, frankly, the most important fact is that Michael Jackson is definitely dead and all the talking in the world won’t make Thriller sound any different.
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Peaches says
That’s a bit harsh!! Michael wasn’t just a famous pop star – he was first and foremost a human being, a brother, a father and a son. It’s human nature to want to know and understand why a much loved person died prematurely, especially at the hands of another.
Christina says
You seem to have missed the fact that the Dr. admitted to have pumped Lorazepam and Propofol into Michael Jacksons vains to help him sleep. Outside a hospital setting, with no monitoring equipment, left him alone, waited between one hour and 21 min before calling an ambulance, gave incorrect cpr because he was busy collecting the viles and evidence together, lied to rescue workers and hospital staff etc.
No he probably didn’t kill him on purpose, but he was acting with extreme recklessness before and after his demise. It was more important for this doc to hide his wrongdoing rather then saving his patient.
This is taken directly from the autopsy report, explaining why it was so important that Propofol, especially taken in combination with Lorazepam, needs a hospital setting with Constant monitoring:
“The levels of propofol found on toxicology exam are similar to those found during general anesthesia for major surgery (intra-abdominal)
jodi says
Couldnt agree more!
sirfash says
who is this joker? Did he go to school for many years to write crap like this. Get your facts first before you write your stories. I also since your human motions are just over whelming…
Lena says
I agree that all of this chatter isn’t necessary about how long Michael was dead. The combo of drugs he was given was just totally wrong whether it was in or out of a hospital setting. Money was the root of all evil in this scenario and that’s why he died.
I wish people would consider how Michael’s poor children are affected by all this yammering. They lost the only thing in live that really mattered, their daddy.
I believe that Dr. Murry should be sentenced to a life of solitary confinement so that he can reflect back on what he has done and let his own conscience deal with him. I know that we have lost a wonderful performer but his children are the ones who have been truly robbed.
Cookie Monster says
Alas, poor MJ. He hired a perfectly ducky quack to do his bidding. All that he wanted was a good fix in the privacy of his home. Didn’t the fifty-year-old tragic leader of the eighties pop explosion not deserve some on-demand prescription happiness to help soothe his tired bones at the end of a day? It’s hard to get that type of relaxation through non-quack channels, even if you are the King of Pop. Who knew that hiring an (alleged) quack might end with unfortunate results for a long-time drug addict? Who, I ask, could predict that a for-hire quack might be a bit fast-and-loose with the drugs?
Sorry, folks… this is just another tragic end to another famous person. Yes, an especially famous person with accomplishments far beyond the typical famous person (I’m looking at you, Paris), but nonetheless…
Angie says
From Angie in IRELAND
What a complete moron!
A BS article full of self-righteous waffling!
Though Michael had ALREADY sought alternative sleep methods in the past, (which seemed to fail), yes, he should have tried again, rather than rely on this quick fix.
However, he and WE are supposed to be able to trust a doctor
Someone has some says
Looking at the above reply someone certainly seems to have an extraordinary amount of time on their hands and a serious lack of humour. Perhaps it’s time to put down the MJ doll and step outside. Or at least away from the endless Michael search on the computer. I know it’s more fun than playing Where’s Waldo
but I sense you need a little sunlight and none dead people to converse with.
hoohaahee says
ah, you MJ fans.
Utterly fucking insane ;)
Keagen says
The sooner the truth comes out