When Charlie??Sheen was employed, the Internet was a relatively quiet place where people could roam free, safe in the knowledge that?Mr Sheen?was at work making an amazingly unfunny television show and pointing his ageing penis at porn stars in hotel rooms in his free time.
Sadly, now he’s been sacked for being a complete menace, the man who runs the Internet has allowed this unemployed maniac to wander around in cyberspace, where Charlie has predictably vanished up his own arse and now spends all day there, tweeting about #winning and #tigerblood while the entire universe looks on in disbelief and prays for him to start taking drugs again.
However, not content just typing words with his fingers (which no doubt smell like ‘Bree’) on that rectangular, laptop shaped thing he probably only ever used for cutting and snorting coke off, he’s now decided that he’ll thrill us all with his own webcast called ‘Sheen’s Korner’.
In this brilliant display of insanity, Sheen surrounds himself with his closest sycophants, smokes fags, wears a hat and does an impressive amount of face sweating.? He also reads some angry poetry he’s written and drinks from a toddlers sippy cup.
Yeah, he’s rad.
One of the idiots present during this webrape was one of his girlfriends Rachel Oberlin, aka Bree Olsen who had apparently taken her surprisingly small boobs and walked out on Sheen the previous day.
He tweeted:
‘Update: Sober Valley Lodge; Rachel has left the building…We’re sad…Over it….Applications now being accepted! #winning’
hecklerspray were going to apply but stupid, mind changing Rachel returned just in time to take part in the webcast, looking barely legal but completely at home in the company of slightly creepy older men.
Sheen’s explanation?
‘I chipped one of my warlock fangs on a great white shark I had to murder.? Pissed me off and like an ass I took it out on her.’
Oh shut up.
The egomaniac calls his new venture ‘A Violent, Torpedo of Truth’
Hmm. Really?
We think it’s more of?’A Dribbling, Water-Pistol of Vaguely Scented Urine’, but we’d never tell you what to think. You can view the madness below and decide for yourself.
Denise Richards. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????
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