So, it’s over. Amy Winehouse and Blake Incarcerated Fielder-Civil have been granted a divorce, meaning, hopefully, Amy now has enough gruesome, emotionally tortured experiences to turn into material for a cracking new album.
However, that naughty Blake Fielder-Civil is apparently claiming that since his utter swinefulness was what inspired Amy Winehouse’s huge album Back To Black in the first place, he should be due a few pounds. Six million of them, if you believe “reports”.
You see, Back To Black was written and recorded after Amy and Blake’s first split, which occured because Blake had cheated on Amy with his ex-girlfriend. So what Blake’s saying, basically, is that the album wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for his decision to throw his cock up up another woman.
I’m sure I’m not alone in hoping that Blake’s slightly cheeky claim is successful. Why, I’ve lost count of the number of girlfriends I’ve had who, following my long and dedicated campaigns of mental torture, have eventually upped, left and used the horrifying experience to propel them on to professional success.
I believe one of my exes is an area manager now, enjoying such benefits as a company car and a pretty sweet dental plan.
I utterly refuse to believe that she would have reached such giddy heights without leaving me. Were we still together she would almost certainly be a perma-weeping, self-esteemless doormat with little to no get-up-and-go. It was the life of misery she saw stretching out before her that motivated her to go to that job conference, and I feel I should at least be due a loan of the company car at a time that is mutually convenient, and/or the odd free scale and polish. But will she listen to reason?
So if Blake Fielder-Civil is successful in his attempt to get a tasty settlement from Amy Winehouse, I’m probably not the only utter git who will be keen to rifle through his stalking box and get back in touch with a few affluent erstwhile other halves.
The chap from Alanis Morrisette‘s You Oughta Know must be due a pretty penny by now – judging by the rage he managed to elicit from Alanis it sounded like he was a complete tool. Where are his dollars, huh? Sure, he got his ding-dong sucked in a “theatre”, but that’s no match for cold, hard royalties. Royalties he clearly deserves.
Yes, it’s going to be raining cash on adulterers, psychological bullies and manipulative sociopaths all over the world if Blake Fielder-Civil has his way. Not such good news for Amy and her fans, however – if her next Grammy-winning album details her and Blake’s divorce, she’ll end up owing him a few more million quid.
This was a guest blog by the frankly stupendous Stuart Waterman off of that My Chemical Toilet.