So now we know who the American Idol finalists are. And now we know that one of them isn’t Danny Gokey. Thank heavens.
Despite being a leading contender to win American Idol from the get-go, thanks to his unique combination of tragic backstory, inability to scream properly and having a face like a remedial-level semi-melted walnut, last night saw poor old Danny Gokey ejected forever.
Gokey’s goodbye sets up a thrilling American Idol final between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen that, if we know American Idol, will be 16 hours long and drive everyone to the brink of tedium-induced suicide. Joy.
Now we’re no American Idol experts – in our mind, all the previous seasons have somehow merged into one solid, impenetrable tumour that sounds like I Will Always Love You played on a glockenspiel made out of abused circus monkeys – but has a contestant as uniformly disliked as Danny Gokey ever made it to the American Idol semi-final before?
It’s hard to imagine. For someone so fundamentally unlikeable as Danny Gokey to make it anywhere near the American Idol top three is slightly staggering. It means that people were rooting for Danny Gokey after his first audition went from tear-flecked “I’m doing this for my dead wife in heaven” tragedy to uncomfortably jockish, Durstesque whooping in the blink of an eye once he knew he’d passed to the next round.
It means that people were rooting for Danny Gokey when, during Disco Night, he danced like a baby deer with polio on an ice rink on a cruise ship in a hurricane. It means that people were still rooting for Danny Gokey when he used his rendition of Dream On by Areosmith to make a noise like a constipated pterodactyl being punched in the face. It’s bizarre.
But if there’s one thing that nobody could possibly ever root for, it’s the image of Danny Gokey standing next to a saxophone singing scat to a Terrence Trent D’Arby song. That’s an unforgivable crime, and it’s why Danny Gokey was finally eliminated from American Idol last night. Reuters reports:
Paula Abdul appeared to fight back tears. Afterward, judge Simon Cowell said Gokey’s elimination and the looming showdown between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, who was considered an underdog, came as a surprise. “None of us would have predicted this, guys,” Cowell said. “No disrespect, because you were brilliant last night, and just now by the way Danny, congratulations.”
Ah yes, the American Idol final. It’s Adam Lambert vs Kris Allen. And, really, it could go either way. It’s the plucky underdog against the season’s swaggering show-stopper. It’s the humble everyman against the snarling alien. It’s (possibly) gay against (we’re assuming) straight. It’s a man so painfully anonymous that he may as well have spent the last six months with his face pixellised like someone from Cheaters against a creepy bloke with a singing voice that we imagine sounds like Joe Pasquale ejaculating. And we wouldn’t miss it for the world.
But only out of professional obligation. You don’t think we’d actually watch American Idol if we didn’t have to write about it the next day, do you? Because, you know, it’s sort of rubbish.
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John Petersend says
Somebody had to go home so we could have a final, it was between Danny and Kris so there is your final. Now go vote for your favorite Idol.
David says
Heckler Spray — You are a most miserable, nasty individual. I have no idea why you would diss Danny Gokey like this. Neither Kris “one-trick pony” Allen nor Adam “Scream Queen” Lambert could pass the two-hour test. Would you really want to listen to either of them in a decent, two-hour concert? Really? No, really? Stop kidding yourself.
Danny went far because he has a beautiful voice. He came across as humble and genuine. Adam will end up in a Las Vegas drag show or in a Steven Tyler cover band somewhere in New Jersey. (We can only hope.)
Shane says
I have never read a story from a more misserable writer in my life, how people like you even get a job is beyond me. First off Danny has a beautifull talent that he will never whore out to the industry or sell his values for money. Secondly Adam stands for all that is wrong with our society, this is why our children will grow more and more confused as the generations pass.You obviously dont know who you are as a person and can only make yourself feel better by trying to hurt those you secretly admire. I hope you lose your job over this and take your personal issues and get some help. Please do not use insinuative language in you articles if you continue to write as it lowers your integrity as a human being.
Cindy says
Heckler spray – you are a mean spirited person for attacking Danny this way. Being in the same hometown that he is from, I have seen much more about this incredibly talented young man is, and I am not defending him just because he is from the same hometown and I. He has overcome some devastating obstacles and to make it to the top 3 was something out of a fairy tale for all of us who followed him through this adventure. Adam on the other hand, was depending on his tongue flapping and screaming vocals to get him to the final 2. Kris is a wonderful young man, and he does have a good voice, but again he falls short of some of the unique qualities that is demanded of the “American Idol”. And this is one of the many areas that Danny did shine, he was never in the bottom 3 during his whole time of the Idol eliminations until this last week. Danny has a way of speaking to people and conducted himself in a very professional manner, he is articulate, poised, and well liked by most everyone he comes into contact with. He works with the community, runs a charity, and is active with his church. I my opinion the votes were wrong, he should have made it to the final 2. Just remember Danny Milwaukee Loves You!
bob says
just wanted to say that shane and david you guys are right on and hairspray you don’t deserve to be a writer if thats what you call it.
Jim says
What did Danny Gokey ever do to you to invoke such disdain, Stuart?
crystal says
Everyone is entitled to their oppinion, but really is it necessary to bring these wonderfully talented young men’s personal lives into this? Have a little respect for Danny’s feelings for his late wife, what do you care if Adam is Gay or not(he wont be asking YOU out), and Kris is not so anonymus if he is on a TV show that generates 80,000 viewers. If you are not fond of this show then why are you writing about it? Can’t find anything better to do with your life? My oppinion is that each of these guys have unique qualities and all of them are going to make a lot of money in the music business!! Each of them have built a fan base or they still wouldnt be on the show!! It’s entertainment!! People need a little light hearted entertainment to take their minds off of the rising concerns we all have about the state of the economy and other problems. Dang can’t we just watch TV and enjoy it any more without bashing everyone thats on it!!!
Leah says
Heckler spray u suck. danny gokey is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than kris who does some weird thing with his mouth when he sings and omg adam lambert who screams not sings. i mean come on the guy wears more makeup than i do and im sure his dress collection is bigger than mine too. danny is cute, sincere, he sings like he means it. if adam had a significant other that passed away 6 months ago, would people hate him too because they think hes using that to win?! i doubt it. they would love him because his eyeliner is “cool”. well it doesnt matter anyway because danny will sell more records than adam and kris combined.
barbara says
Heckler spray you should be so lucky to have a job like this. however dose not give you the right to bad mouth some one that has come this far. best a luck danny we love you
Tina says
David, I will agree that Heckler Spray is being a nasty, crude individual – however, you are kinda being rude yourself in the with the critical remarks you have made about Kris and Adam. Regardless of Adam’s sexual preference – the man has a PHENOMINOL voice range – one that MOST artists would DIE for! As far as Kris goes – I don’t care for his singing. Most of the time he slurs and you can’t really make out alot of the words he’s singing. BUT – I applaud all three! I am, of course, an Adam fan – and honestly, I want him to win – however, I don’t because he can further his career with ALOT more options made available to him w/o being stuck in a contract with American Idol. (Which is limited) But I don’t believe Kris is the “American Idol”. With my statement above (regarding Adam’s career) Danny would be the runner-up – American Idol. And for the record: YES, I WOULD WATCH ADAM IN A DECENT, 2-HOUR CONCERT! Thank you.
Bob says
I pretty much have to agree with the comments made before me, you’re an absolute jerk and an idiot. Danny sang two songs this week and one of them, the one he chose for himself not the one the drugged up Paula found in a record book somewhere. He could release You’re so Beautiful tomorrow and make it onto the charts, just look at the number of downloads he’s already gotten on Itunes. Sure he does not have the looks the chick magnet Chris has, but he out sang him almost every song all competition and the fact that they were down to three was the only reason he hit the bottom 3 all season. Girls, young girls are by far the biggest voters on this show, and when it came down to it, they liked the younger Chris…but not for his talent.
Tina says
Shane, again I agree with how you have identified this writer – but as he has his opinions (and shared for many viewers to read, such as yourself) YOU have ridiculed Adam in your response! Don’t be a hyprocrit! Adam is NOT teaching ANYTHING wrong! People NEED to take more of a responsibility for their OWN actions – and quit blaming others. Nonetheless, my point is don’t lash out at people when you are really doing the same thing!
shraqs says
Adam will win AI for this season
Tina says
Crystal – PERFECTLY STATED!!!!! : )
Shelley says
Shane, you gave me the biggest gut wrenching laugh in a loooong time…your writing style is awesome!
sheish says
Way to go, Kris !!!
Too bad Adam wasn’t eliminated; I don’t like the way he screeches and I hate the eyeliner. ( I loved David Bowie, Freddy Mercury and Boy George, go figure…) Danny is a nice guy and if you forget that infamous scream, he sings quite well.
Remember last year when underdog David Cook beat Archie ???
And this Heklerspray fellow… just reading this column left me with a bitter aftertaste. How disgusting.
halo says
its satire guys, relax… really
read anything else that SH writes and its all the same vein
Nasty and Snarky –
KEEP IT COMING
Kasey says
Everyone is entitled to their oppinion But Danny gokey had an amazing voice and did not deserve this kind of publicity. Yes the guys told a sad story but i mean seriously have you listen to most of those peoples story on American idol. They have all had things happen to them that are not very pleasant and they shared it! i don’t see you writing any Nasty comments about them. Danny Gokey or any singer on American idol shouldn’t be punished for things that have happen to him, i mean the man lost his wife, you are seriously going to say you wouldn’t be devastated if that happen to you? i beg to differ. Danny Gokey is an amazing SINGER and if you chose not to buy his cd then that is your choice…. But i mean come on do you really have to let the world know you don’t like him! Whatever i just hope Danny knows that people like you are just CHILDISH! also i think danny is a GORGEOUS man! Good luck to ya :P
Deborah says
I so totally agree with you. Danny had true talent and could really sing. Kris won’t go to far I think, but Adam is a true flash in the pan. He is larger than life right now and somewhat cocky, but let’s be real…the days of the rock band screaming at you are past. The ones who made it big are out there and made a name for themselves. He is a wannabe and his star will fade fast. No lasting power. I wish him the best and look forward to buying a CD from Danny who I can listen to for longer than the 2 minutes they give Adam on American Idol.
Mike says
We all have our opinion of who is the best and who should win and who’s talent we like the least. But make no mistake…all 3 of these guys have talent.
Danny has a soulful voice and sings with emotion that makes you believe he is feeling what he is singing about. You can get a feel that his singing roots do come fromt the gospel side and he will use his talent to bring that message to others while entertaining them as well. We know who he is and what he is about and that is what makes him special to soo many.
Chris is not the best singer in the group and yes…the mouth thing is kinda strange. But the talent he brings is the ability to take a song and make it have his personal stamp or feel. He is a talented musician and can use them in differant ways to acheive the sound he is invisioning.
Adam is a person that was given a gift from God. He is personally not my favorite and I would rather spend the money to see Danny in concert. However, I would LOVE to see this guy in a Broadway musical with the lead role! He has a stage presence that is unquestionable and can take on the role of any song he performs. I do agree what the screaming of every song is not neccessary and like Maria Carey…it will be used less over time…but there when needed.
As far as Danny using his wifes tragic death as a tool, that is rediculous! The folks that edit the show may have used that as a story to gain interest in the show…but that is a REAL major life event that this young man has had to live through that I hope Mr. Stuart Heritage the writer of this article never has to experience! Would it make you feel better sir if Danny were sitting his his house alone all this time consumed by his grief and depression to PROVE TO YOU that losing his wife really was a tragic ordeal for him?
I honestly hope that you are not as cold hearted, heartless, and detached of all humanity in your true life dealings as you represented yourself to be in this article.
Best of luck to both Adamn and Chris!
God bless you Danny and keep looking forward!
David(#2) says
First off, I don’t know what Stuart Heritage (aka Heklerspray) was watching this season, but Danny was the best actual singer this season. To bash him like he did is ridiculous. But this is a man who writes articles like “And Now: A Man Vomiting Maggots For Konnie Huq”. That being said, I’m more upset with Paula Abdul for picking a song for Danny Gokey, that no one, and I mean no one, would ever say was a good song choice for the semi-finals. All year the judges criticized singers for picking the wrong song. I mean, she knows Gokey can’t dance very well (he admits it). Why pick a song where he might have to? I understand Paula didn’t want him to sing 2 ballads in one night, but come on! Well Paula, IMO you knocked him out of the finals. I still luv you Paula, but what were you thinking???
Tina says
I have to TOTALLY agree with you! Much less a horrible choice, but more so that I don’t believe ALOT of people even heard before Tuesday night! It’s unfortunate, but Danny’s dream has JUST begun! : )
Your an Ass says
You’re a dumbass! That’s all I have to say.
Dee says
For all the people reading this article and commenting on the mean spirited nature of it…..HELLO? Do you know what the word heckler means? That is the job of a heckler: to be inappropriate and rude! And since there is no such thing as “bad” press…the fact that Hecklerspray is getting all these comments merely insures the fact that they can sit home on their cushy couch, watch your favorite shows, find the most obvious thing/person to make fun of, tear them apart with sarcastic wit, hand the big steaming pile of it to anyone willing to read it and then go cash the check.
Hecklerspray is practically my hero.
Shaina says
YES YES YES! I love it, enjoyed every darn word! If I didnt have a roomate head over heels for this “rubbish”, I wouldnt even know about Mr. Wanna-be-a-rocker-just-this-week-though GLAMbert, or crooked mouth, whats the other dudes name? Id rather watch snow.
Glambert makes me wanna vomit. Snarling alien anad sound effect to Joe ejaculating, kinda…skims the surface. How overrated can we make this character? Zeppelin? He’s not even close.
Love the metaphors! (((bowing)))
PS…that punishment they gave noise ordinance violators, listening to Dolly Parton music…they should revise it, and just loop together every banshee cry from Glambert and make the little suckers listen to that “music” for a while. No repeat offenders there!
:P
danny sucks says
DANNY COMMITED SUICIDE AFTER BEING EJECTED HOW WEAK SHOWS WHAT A CUM SLURPPER HE WAS
niki says
I think Danny at the least should have been left there with Adam-he has a very wonderful voice. Really it should have been that chick with Adam, those were the ONLY 2 with any real talent, but too late for that now. That Kris dude? Are you kidding me? IF anyone voting had any kind of musical ear at all they could see that guy Kris is HORRIBLE-ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. He might be able to sing a little but he looks like a wet washcloth when he’s singing and his face looks idiotic. He has NO natural rhythm at all. I’m so dissappointed in the public for even voting him this far when there were far more talented people in the competition. Adam is the CLEAR winner by a mile and was from the very first day this thing started. Nobody can even come close to that guys talent.
Malisa says
And Dee, you must be his heartless secretary! WoHoo for the both of you – no wonder you have jobs as you do. No REAL profession would accept the stupidity you two feel is appropriate!
Kara says
What are you the “American God Father”?
HecklerSucksAss says
Of all the comments below up until you reach my name, my comment says it all….
JD says
Adam Lambert: Can’t sing a song without sticking out his tongue and screaming. He’s not bad, but not near as good as he, or Kara and Paula for that matter, thinks he is. Will have a nice career as a singer in an alternative lifestyle bar.
Danny Gokey: Not a rock singer, but has a great voice when singing his type of music.
Kris Allen: Underappreciated because he doesn’t have an over the top personality. He’s been my favorite all along.
An earlier poster mentioned he “slurs” his words sometimes and then raves about Adam’s over the top vocals. You lost all credibility with that post.
jhon says
singing is not all about screaming.. it’s more of artistry.. kris is the next american idol..
John says
JD that earlier post was right on with how reality may see the facts, since Adam and Chris are the finalist.
How can “all” her credibility have been lost with posting what she feels, and has shown to be truthful?
Her point as I see it is as people are criticizing and making unruly comments about Danny, she was making a comment about Chris and Adam, taking the focus off of Danny. KUDOS to her!
Maybe you should have your hearing and eyes checked out or maybe stop to think before you respond to people’s comments, or maybe even visit other sites as to others feelings about all of the singers. That poster was only stating the truth about Chris and the facts back her up – if you don’t believe me, go to the actual American Idol website, it’s mentioned over a thousand times how he “slurs” when he sings. BTW she also stated (which you did not nor did you acknowledge) that she applauds ALL OF THEM! Hm, I think YOU have a meaningless post here.
In ending, Stuart, ease up man! Be more tasteful.
stine says
i agree that it should have been adam and danny in the final 2…it could go either way though..everyone assumes adam will win because he’s got great talent..but i have watched this show from the beginning and i think the reason kris is in the final 2 is because of his looks..omg..do u hear the way the girls scream wen he comes on stage?? i am not a kris fan.. i was for danny n adam from the jump..but it will be a big letdown if kris wins..america is voting and ppl arent always voting on the talent of the person!!
TERESA says
I LOVED DANNY…NOT BECAUSE OF THE WIFE STORY EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKED WHAT HAPPENED, BUT HE HAD A BEAUTIFUL VOICE. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KRIS TO GO NEXT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, DANNY WILL GET PICKED UP AND I WILL BUY HIS ALBUM…HE SHOULD TAKE HIS BESTFRIEND TOO BECAUSE THAT FOO SHOULD HAVE MADE IT THEN THE BLIND GUY. BUT HEY, IT HAPPENS, AND KRIS SHOULD WIN SO HE COULD BE STUCK WITH THE SUCKY CONTRACT AND ADAM AND DANNY ARE GONNA ROCK IT OUT…GEEYAH.LOL..EITHER WAY THEY ARE ALL GOING TO BECOME SOMETHING, AND YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO SEE HOW FAMOUS THESE PEOPLE ARE. LOOK IT JENNIFER HUDSON, SHOOT SHE IS DOING THE DANG THING. I LOVE DANNY AND ADAM, BUT DANNY MORE…LOL
TERESA says
THAT IS SOOOO TRUE..I LOVED YOUR COMMENT…I SOOOO AGREE WITH U…THANK U…HEHEHE
Tina says
Babe, I know you usually NEVER comment on forums and to leave one as this just shows that there are STILL passionate, TRUE warm hearted people out in this world! I know Danny was your favorite and he is a great singer. But as you and I have discussed, his future JUST started and will become more successful all on his own as opposed to being under the American Idol contract.
Thank you for taking the time out to stand up for who and what you believe in because this “writer” should really stop and think before trying to earn his popularity as a “writer” talking crap about people – and to add the whole sympathy ordeal in his column was ludicris! It’s a shame popularity in this type of business is based on how bad one can criticize a person – and to include their life tragidies was below the belt!
Love you babe and you said it all!!! : )
Jules says
You are sooooo vile! Why did you have to put down danny like that? he’s a real guy with real feelings.
Besides, I love Adam’s and Kris’s singing voice!
sara says
Adam is the scream drag queen. Danny is the best. I was sorry to see him go .
Marti says
Heckler Spray, long after your mean & nasty comments spew from your mouth, Danny Gokey will have a legacy of value established through the Sofia’s Heart Foundation. This is a man who builds up not tears down. Danny has talent, personality, charisma and a great singing voice. Us Danny Gokey fans look forward to any future albums, and to the success of the foundation he established in honor of his wife. Talent & compassion go a long way, something you seem to lack.
And yes, he should have been in the final two.
Julia says
I agree. How Danny Gokey made it to the Top 3, I will never understand. The guy can’t sing for shit, ESPECIALLY ‘Dream On’. My Lord, that was the most awful thing I’ve ever had to sit through in my life.
He’s a ‘sweetheart’ on Tv and the interwebz, but in real life, he’s an absolute jerk. I know this first-hand, as I’ve gone to multiple Idols Live shows (for Adam :P) and met him a number of times. Blah.