The gentleman here at hecklerspray love Adele. We love the thought of spending an afternoon in some Camden beer-garden with her, marvelling at her ability to sink pints of London Pride in a one-er, belch like Brian Blessed, un-selfconsciously wipe her mouth with the back of her hand, chain-smoke and swear like a sailor. She's our kind of lady.
What we don't love the thought of is having to listen to her sing any of her songs ever again.
So, news that doctors have ordered her to stick a long-overdue cork in her whine have been met with a collective sigh of relief. There's only so often you can listen to a lass caterwauling about some fella who ?done left her and that? without feeling the need to stab yourself in the eye just to have something more interesting to think about.
The collective male groans of dismay emanating from ale taverns the world over whenever one of her dreadful dirges start playing on the ?jukey? have finally been heeded by the medical establishment which have advised the chanteuse to put a sock in it ? on the pretext that she has laryngitis.
“There is absolutely nothing I can do but take the doctors’ advice? Adele has written on her website.
Uncharitable sources have suggested that something she could ALSO do is stop writing songs in which she ?turns up out of the blue uninvited? at her ex?s house when he is no doubt busy boning his new lady over the arm of the sofa and could well do without a mascara-weeping calorie-enthusiast banging on his door and putting him off his stride.
In a breaking development, a source has also informed a national tabloid so low-rent we can't even bear to type its name that:
“The problem is that she’s now back in London and seeing her mates like the comedian Alan Carr, and all she wants to do is have a gossip with them.”
Prompting Adele?s medical team to also advise her against any ?unnecessary talking?. They really, really have. Probably not because of the Alan Carr thing, but we like to think so.
Reports that the fake-eyelash industry of the U.K. is ?shitting a brick? at the prospect of Adele?s step away from the limelight are currently unconfirmed.
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