We’re pretty sure that the intended worth of a US dollar bill directly dictates the size of paper it’s printed on. A $1 bill is regular size, a $5 is a little bigger and a $100 is twenty times the size of the five. We read this somewhere, we really did.
That said, Lindsay Lohan is about to get a bill that’ll just be perfect for snorting several hundred pounds of coke at once. If she still does that sort of thing on the far side of rehab, that is.
OK! Magazine is rumored to be offering the former parent trapper a cool one million dollars for the rights to her first post jail interview. We tend to think this true as we’ve always found the unorthodox use of exclamation points very convincing.
Poor, poor L. Lohan. There she is coming down in jail, all she wants to do is fill her veins with booze or runny butter (we heard that’s pretty cool now), but the closest thing she’s got is a room temperature pudding cup and the jailhouse rumor that if you eat it through your eyelids it’ll still get you kinda high.
That actually works with vanilla.
Back to Lohan – we really anticipate a resurgence for her. After all, she’s already got a book coming out. And if you take into consideration that not all movie producers are avoiding her eye contact, well – things probably look a little brighter for her on the outside of the bars.
As it would be for anybody, we suppose. Anybody except that poor old guy that killed himself on the Green Mile. It’s tough out here, you know?
Anyway – folks say OK! magazine is willing to pay her a million smackers for a first post-jail interview. According to THR:
“Given her fresh notoriety, Lohan is likely to be handed $1 million by OK! for her first post-jail interview, and the clamor for stories about her time “inside” is likely to provide another muddy revenue stream. Her fee for New York and Los Angeles event appearances will land anywhere from $25,000-$100,000 — even when they involve friends — though many old haunts won’t touch her now.”
Her stories from inside probably include things like learning to dig previously buried meth out from under her molar fillings with nothing but a rusty bed spring and a trouser button, and eating cold potatoes.
Ew! Can you imagine the potatoes?
Neither can we. It’s the sole reason we obey the rules.
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