In what has come as a colossal blow to my ?surely must be gay? celebrity sweepstake, Zac ?perfect hair?, ?knee-trembling smile?, ?obvious aversion to sticking his helmet anywhere near a ladies part, thank you very much, no siree, bob? Efron has confirmed his visit to a strip club.
This is bad news. Very bad news indeed. I've got 50p riding on the definite outcome of his sexuality.
This is almost as bad as that time he stood quite near to Megan Fox and they were definitely going to make babies in the nearest available alleyway as soon as one of them managed to emote the most simple human emotion to the other. Fortunately, that was scuppered by the fact that they're both basically a-sexual vacuumed-packed plastic people. But this sounds bad ? strippers? They?re not real people!
So how he get himself into this sorry state of affairs? According to Digital Spy, he said:
I had this image of what it?d be like. I've heard a lot about these places, mostly from rap music – they're supposed to be pretty reputable!
First of all; ah, bless. ‘Reputable’.
Second of all, I quite like the idea that there are people out there who are getting their entire worldview from the infallible teachings of ?the rapping music?. I like the idea of a group of people ? let's call them ?morons? ? who, like Lil Fame, don't believe in basic physical laws and think that you can:
lift that ass up like gravity
Or don't subscribe to a literal interpretation of arithmetic, like Foxy Brown:
Thirty-two grams raw, chop it in half, get sixteen, double it times three. We got forty-eight, which mean a whole lot of cream Divide the profit by four, subtract it by eight. We back to sixteen
Those people are probably the ones who look vaguely surprised every time they see a black person who’s not stepping off a yacht, dripping with jewellery that Jimmy Saville would baulk at.
All that aside, as far as the more pressing matter of my sweepstake goes it can still be kept alive if I can prove that it was all just a massive mistake that he went into the Gentleman?s Club. Perhaps he just thought it was a club exclusively for gentlemen? Maybe he was seduced by the ?Flashdance? part of the name, and thought that it would be full of sexy, sexy metalworkers that he could spend all night oiling ? while avoiding the sole female worker, hired because of anti-discriminatory laws, of course. Or maybe was just told by his companions that there were matching soft furnishings throughout and he felt that he had to check it out because he'd never heard of a late night disco-club where all the carpets matched with the drapes. Or maybe it was something even more indefensibly gay? What's that?
I envisioned myself in a nice couch with stunna shades with T-Pain and Usher making it rain money! And it just wasn?t like that.
Bingo! Thanks Zac. That ?3.50 is as good as mine.
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