What were you doing when you were nine years old? Playing with Lego? Revising for a GCSE? Picking your nose and eating it?
If any of those suggestions bring back horrible memories of what you got up to before discovering masturbation, congratulations, you are normal. Well, sort of normal. You’re normal when compared to the insanely over-confident children that are only bred in Hollywood but rest assured, you’re still pretty weird.
We’re trudging up your horrible childhood because once again, Will and Jada Smith have decided to roll out one of their spawn into the cruel world of entertainment thus setting up their entire future of being told how shit they are. We’re already quite used to Jaden Smith, who at the age of 12 has already racked up a few successful movie roles and co-starred in a Justin Bieber video. Ooooh, get him! Very successful and not even a teenager as the rest of us try to make a dinner out of the scraps left in the cupboard whilst using our now useless degree certificate as a plate.
But that’s not good enough for Will and Jada. Oh no. Now they’re unleashing their youngest child onto the world of music as an American mini-mohawked version of Rihanna but with less history of domestic abuse and hopefully more clothes. Well, she is only nine. Great, now we can’t get the image of Willow thrusting her leotarded, fishnetted crotch in our faces but then again, it’s only a matter of time isn’t it? Just kill us before that happens.
Anyway, she’s released her first single and now news has hit that she’s been signed by Jay-Z‘s record label. Here’s what the loon had to say about her in a press release:
?It's rare to find an artist with such innate talent and creativity at such a young age. Willow is about to embark on an incredible journey and we look forward to joining her as she grows in all aspects of her career.?
Are you throwing up in your mouth yet? No? Give this a read:
“I believe that you have to start somewhere. When you have that sort of talent and you have that sort of vision then there is no such thing as too young. Again, I heard the record without knowing who it was, it's a hit record! If you listen to anyone, if you listen to any comments, everyone says that they can't believe, as adults, that they like a record that is made by a 9 year old. But we all dance to Michael Jackson records from when he was 8 years old.”
We don’t want to be one of those people who slag off innocent kids from behind the comfort of our own laptop screens (YOU SUCK JUSTIN BIEBER!) but if she wants to make our ears bleed with some auto-tuned rubbish, we can’t be held responsible for our own actions. Besides, they’ve compared her to Michael Jackson and he turned out great. Uh-oh…