As humans, we get bored very easily. As such, we’re prone to idly making things fight each other. Cockerels, pitbulls, those insects at the start of Enter The Dragon… and of course, celebrities.
A few years ago, we threw coins at the feet of Ricky Gervais and Grant Bovey and made them punch each other ’til they pathetically wheezed up phlegm from their tear ducts.
Now, some people with more money than tact want to get Will Smith and Mark Wahlberg and make them punch each other ’til either we decide that one of them has arbitrarily ‘won’ or the other can’t feel their legs anymore.
This harebrained scheme has been hatched up by Damon Feldman, the head of the Hollywood Boxing Federation, who has offered Will Smith and Mark Wahlberg $1million each to punch each other in the eye-socket.
Of course, neither of these people particularly need a million in their back pocket because they’re already obscenely wealthy. However, if you whisper that the money could go to charity in their ears, then they might be game. And of course, many slebs use charity as a nice little tax-dodge, so there’s another incentive.
Naturally, some simpletons are already confusing reality with fiction and are looking at the fact that both of these people have appeared in boxing films and could really offer a scrap worth watching. We, meanwhile, are simply thinking of saucy puns on the word ‘ring’.
Wahlberg, if this were to go ahead, would be in better nick, as he’s just done ‘The Fighter’, where we trained from 4am with gloves and a speed-bag, sparring with three fighters during the shoot.
He said:
“I spent more money paying my trainers and having them travel with me than I got paid, by a good half a million dollars”
So Mark would whup Will Smith’s arse?
Not likely. The Hollywood Boxing Federation hasn’t exactly got a good track record at attracting big names to the ring. Screech from Saved By The Bell has been one of the more famous people they’ve showcased. Yes. Screech Powers – the man who had something of a renaissance after the world puked up every organ after hearing he had a leaked sex tape knocking about.
So there you have it. Reporting on something that is never going to happen in a million years.
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