Hollywood remakes rock. If you want to watch something that takes an original and intelligent idea, then kicks the soul out of it and replaces the lead with a rapping cartoon goat, then it’s Hollywood remakes all the way for you, baby.
That’s exactly what Robin Hardy, director of The Wicker Man, is finding out. He’s so appalled by the remake that he wants his name removed from all the promotional material.
The original version of The Wicker Man (DVDs) is something of a cult
classic. Although it was initially a big flop, the story about a
Scottish policeman virgin searching for a missing girl on a remote
Scottish island where locals dabble in human sacrifice has gone on to
be known as one of the great British films. Plus, Britt Ekland dances
around naked.
Despite it’s very obvious brilliance, a bunch of Hollywoods must
have had a meeting where they decided they could do better. This is
probably how the meeting went…
"First of all, what is this place ‘Scotchland’? Who the hell knows
what that is, right? Let’s set it in Maine. Christopher Lee was in it?
What, that old dude from Star Wars? No way, let’s turn him into a foxy
chick! A virgin policeman? No, wait. We can’t do that, we’ve got Nic
Cage lined up to play him, and he ain’t no virgin! Let’s, uh… I know!
Let’s make him allergic to bees!"
So Nicolas Cage (DVDs) is now going to be a bee-fearing sheriff on the
lookout for a missing girl in a feminist community in Maine. No wonder
Robin Hardy wants out:
"I don’t quite understand what they’re doing. It appears that not only
is the lady involved, but there are also attacks by killer bees, which
sounds like a really old-style horror film."
And he’s also less than pleased about the role he’s been given:
"The amazing thing is that all the publicity keeps on saying that I
have written the screenplay, which is obviously not true. I have had to have my lawyers call them, not because I particularly
care, but it’s clearly wrong that it should be out on websites and in
the trades and everything."
Even
if we do get the good Weather Man Nicolas Cage instead of the bad
National Treasure Nicolas Cage acting in the film, something tells us
that the remake of The Wicker Man is going to be a botch.
Hollywood
seems to be picking through the only period of time that Britain made decent films
and smashing them all to pieces. Alfie, Get Carter, now The Wicker
Man… surely it’s a matter of time before someone announces Zulu
Ninjas On The Moon.
Read more:
Wicker Man director is flaming furious over Hollywood remake – Scotland On Sunday
[story by Stuart Heritage]