Two hard-hitting Krysta Fitzpatrick investigations in one week?! No, you haven’t died and gone to heaven, I just get really bored in the mornings lately. ANYWAY, today I’d like to take you on a journey through the rise and fall of some of Paris Hilton’s most famous friendships.
Paris always seems to briefly have some big celeb bff, then there is a falling out and she typically trash talks them, and they never really hang out again. In fact, it kind of seems like the only best friend Paris can keep is her sister, Nicky, which is preeeeeettty lame. Like, no offense to my sisters, but if they were my only friends I’d be miserable (seriously guys, no offense).
After I finished writing my previous blog about Lindsay Lohan’s new nightclub, I fell into an internet hole of Googling images of Lindsay in a bikini to see if all those Instagram memes about her ass were real, or photoshopped. You know the one of her in a bikini with like a sunken in ass and it says ‘When you literally laugh your ass off’? There are actually a ton of memes and Instagram pics about Lohan’s ass, it’s nuts:
So, obviously I decided to spend my morning investigating Lindsay Lohan’s ass, which I thought I might make a post about. However, there wasn’t much investigating to do given that no, Lindsay Lohan really does not have an ass. The Gods blessed her with a giant rack, but left out the ass. Very few people naturally get both (or either!) so I guess she should feel good. But yeah, no ass:
However, once I got deep enough into this picture hole, I started coming across old pics of Lindsay and Paris Hilton. Remember when they were bff but then Paris called Lindsay a fire crotch and now they hate each other? I then got to thinking about all the girls Paris used to be besties with, then dissed or ditched altogether and I wondered: is Paris Hilton an awful bitch who can’t keep a friend? Paris has been accused of ruining people with her forever party girl ways and was it was even suggested that she was a big enabler in Britney Spears’ 2007 breakdown; so much so that Britney’s dad cut Paris out of Brit’s life and Paris wasn’t even allowed to talk about Britney in interviews anymore. Paris has also been accused of dissing and ditching long time friends once they become more popular in the media than her. So is Paris Hilton just a shitty friend and human being? I’ve kind of always thought so, but let’s look at some of her famous friendships that failed.
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay and Paris were super tight from 2003-5 and constantly on the party scene together even though Lindsay was underage (no one in Hollywood cares about age. They used to let Drew Barrymore get wasted at Studio 54 when she was 10 for fuck’s sake!). By late 2005, Lindsay had gotten closer to Paris’ other bestie, Nicole Richie, and they did that whole h’Let’s go blonde and get really fucking skinny’ thing. Remember that?
Anyway, by early 2006 Paris was super anti-Lindsay and a video surfaced of Paris and Brandon Davis saying Lindsay was a fire crotch with a freckley vagina, which I don’t really think is that sick of a burn because yeah, she’s a redhead with freckles, that’s like…her skin and hair? Good one? But anyway, they weren’t really friends again after that. Lindsay briefly hung out with Paris and Britney Spears at a club in 2007 (see opening picture), but their friendship was all but dead and no one really knows why. Sources over the years have said that Lindsay doesn’t even know why Paris turned on her, so it’s pretty messed up.
Tara Reid
Remember when Tara Reid was in movies and had like this wholesome appeal and was really really pretty? Yeeeaaaah, it was a really brief period of time. Anyway, when Tara first became famous in the late-90’s, she started to hang out with socialite Paris Hilton who, at the time, was solely famous for getting wasted non-stop. There is legit a video of Paris during this time saying that she got fucked in the ass for blow. Maybe she was joking, maybe she wasn’t, who knows? (She seems like she enjoys anal and cocaine, so I believe she was telling the truth). Anyway, it didn’t take long for Tara to get hard into the party scene and become an utter mess, because it kind of seems like Paris likes to hang out with these girls, bring them into the wild party scene, then when they can’t handle all the partying like she can, she’s ditches them because she’s rich and doesn’t clean up messes she helped make.
Anyway, in 2005 TMZ got an epic video of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian going into this club, Hyde, and Tara shows up all like ‘Hey guys’ because, you know, Paris has been her friend for years, and Paris TOTALLY ignores her! Just walks on by and doesn’t acknowledge her existence and Tara is just standing there on camera like ‘What the fuck just happened?’ Can you imagine going up to someone you’ve been friends with for years and gone on multiple vacations with and trying to talk to them and they just act like you don’t exist and never speak to you again? Well, that’s what Paris Hilton did to Tara Reid!
Britney Spears
So back in 2007 after Britney Spears left Kevin Federline, Brit started hanging out with Paris Hilton and, SHOCKER, Paris started bringing her to every club imaginable and Britney became a total mess! Anyone else sensing a pattern here? This friendship was super brief because Britney’s dad intervened and was all like ‘My daughter is clearly having a breakdown and you just keep taking her out to get wasted’ and then Britney shaved her head and Paris wasn’t allowed to talk about her in interviews. Seriously, Entertainment Tonight tried to ask her about her friendship with Britney and Paris ended the interview. Legit.
Kim Kardashian
Ah, the famous former friendship of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian (side note: Kim used to be way hotter before she fucked up her face with 20 million surgeries). Paris and Kim grew up together and when Kim was starting her closet organizing business she actually worked for Paris. People like to say that Kim used to be Paris’ maid, but she was running a pretty legit business handling re-organizing closets and doing personal shopping for several celebrities in the early 2000s, so good for her. Anyway, once Paris became famous, the paparazzi started noticing Paris’ hot friend, Kim. People found out her somewhat famous history and connection to OJ and became interested in her since, let’s be real, she was totally hotter than Paris. Then Kim’s family got a reality show and Kim released a more popular sex tape than Paris and was getting way more attention than Paris so what happened? Paris started to publically mock Kim. In early 2008, Paris told a Vegas DJ in a radio interview that Kim’s ass looked like cottage cheese in a big trash bag. Ouch. In the years since, Paris has insinuated numerous times that she made Kardashian famous and even though they seem to have kind of made up, they’re definitely not bff at all anymore.
Nicole Richie
Saving the best for last! Perhaps Paris’ most famous bestie is Nicole Richie. They were bff since childhood:
Then were hot messes together as teens:
And then they had a reality show together, The Simple Life:
However, by the third season of the show these two hated each other and had to be filmed separately. When the show started, Nicole was fresh out of rehab, had put on some weight, looked like shit, and was basically the funny one on the show while Paris was the hot one. Fast forward three years and Nicole has lost her post-rehab weight, fixed the rats next on her head, enlisted famed stylist Rachel Zoe to dress her, and now looked like this:
Richie was being featured on Best Dressed lists and now she was no longer just the funny one with the better personality, but she was the hot, better dressed one, too, quickly making her more popular than Paris. So, surprise surprise, Paris fucking hated her. These two briefly reconciled when Benji Madden, twin brother of Nicole’s baby-daddy/husband, Joel, started dating Paris, but once Paris and Benji were done so were Paris and Nicole. This time seemingly for good.
So what’s the verdict here? Why is it that Paris Hilton can’t maintain friends? Is she a jealous bitch who can’t handle when people she believes she made famous get more famous than her? Does she turn people into alcoholic coke heads and then bail when they cant handle their booze and drugs as well as she can? It kinnnnnnda seems that way.
But regardless of her ever ending friendships, one this is for certain: all the bitches that were once her besties certainly can’t stand the bitch now!