Entire industries have been built on people with long angled lenses hanging out in coffee shops opposite four-star hotels, hoping that members of Five Star (or other celebrities) will come out with mystery blondes on their arms.
Apparently, following the cast of Twilight around is paying school fees for about half the hacks in LA. Anyway, the thing about these kinds of stories is that the people featured in them are usually either famous, attractive, about to have a film out and are shameless publicity whores, or a combination of the three.
But now it seems that the tabloids have run out of everyone in those categories and have come up with something involving people who are neither young, attractive or have a film out. The Mirror reports that Whoopi Goldberg has been seen coming out of a central London accommodation with ? wait for it ? David Cameron. Yikes. Yes, in what will go down as a disaster for the new coalition government, an Oscar-winning actress has spent the afternoon at the country?s seat of power (not even offering breakfast, David? I know we're in a recession, but that's just mean. Bet he made her pay for her own taxi as well, the posh bastard).
What hope is there now? The country will have to get to its feet by looking at the example of Abbey Clancy. Surely if she can forgive the seemingly remote controlled mecha-footballer Peter Crouch for allegedly sleeping with a 19-year-old Algerian waif, then Nick Clegg can forgive Cameron for fooling around with a pretend nun?
So, what actually happened? As I said, the Mirror reports:
Oscar winner Whoopi Goldberg, 54, beamed as she left Downing Street yesterday after meeting David Cameron. In London for the stage version of her hit film Sister Act, Whoopi was invited to No 10 by the PM because she’s fascinated by 19th century premier Benjamin Disraeli.
Sounds convincing, right? He's obviously tried the ?come back to my place for seeming innocent activity X? pick up line on her. Of course, most people substitute ?seemingly innocent activity X? with ?some coffee?, ?borrow that CD we were talking about? or ?watch Terrahawks?, and he can lure them with the promise of original artefacts from former Prime Ministers. ?In any case, everyone knows he meant sex though, right?
Well, it's either that, and a scandal that will rock the nation to it's very foundations, or it turns out that there was just a dull conversation about a former Prime Minister between two people probably fascinated by the Artisan’s and Labourers’ Dwellings Improvement Act of 1875.
I know which world I want to live in.
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