Demi Lovato is something of a troubled star. For a kick-off, she’s religious. Secondly, she went out with one of the Jonas Brothers. It is little wonder that she ended up getting treatment for ’emotional and physical issues’. A god-fearing woman who dry-humped with one of the most boring humans ever to walk the Earth. Poor lamb.
Still, at least she can take solace from the fact that people would like to give her money to bare her genitals.
That’s right. One company who deal in bongo films have made Lovato a most curious offer. Basically, they’re willing to pay for something that doesn’t exist. Presumably, that means we can all have non-existent wanks then?
Lovato, who was in Camp Rock, should you be staring at her face and wondering who the shitting crikey she is, has the opportunity to pocket $100,000 once she gets out of rehab… provided she signs over the rights to the sex tape that doesn’t exist.
Let it be on record that hecklerspray have a non-existent sex tape featuring all the writers wriggling around in each other’s debasery and muck and are completely willing to sign over the rights to it for anything in the region of 80 pence upwards.
Anyway, TMZ have obtained a letter from the kindly souls at Pornhub who are offering Demi the chance to be featured on their site.
The letter says:
“You don’t have to star with male talent, we are willing to accept a solo or Girl-Girl scene just as long as it’s shot in HD.”
The chances of an American Christian who nearly held-hands with a Jonas being in a video involving any sort of sexy sexiness at all is slim, let alone her getting off with a girl or having a leaky solo-bang. If those videos did exist, then you can be sure that they would close with God-fearing Demi weeping openly on her bed, praying for forgiveness and ringing up a priest for a quick exorcism.
In fairness, that would probably stick another $100,000 on the asking price for the tape. Which doesn’t exist.
Demi’s representatives have said:
“Perpetrating these completely unfounded rumors from supposed sources while Demi is in treatment dealing with serious physical and emotional issues is disgusting.”
“The sourcing on this report is so spotty that it is hard to fully respond.”
Who read spotty and thought of sickly genitals? Just us? Oh.
Still, the rumours abound about Lovato. Some people are claiming that Demi’s uncle Francisco kept people out of her dressing rooms and the like while she had sex inside… which is one of the more distressing images to flash through the celebrity gossip radar in 2010.
Demi’s rep, to paraphrase, says that this suggestion is a load of bollocks.
Anyway, nice to see that people are willing to offer money for tapes of private moments to someone while they’re in a treatment centre crying all the fluid from their body and wondering whether life is worth living.
Merry Christmas every one of us! Apart from Muslims, Hindus and anyone else who doesn’t believe in Christianity. Although not including those who don’t believe in Jesus, but like getting presents.
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