May 2012 will see the return of Men In Black in the imaginatively titled Men In Black 3. Once again, we’ll be seeing Will Smith ostensibly being The Fresh Prince: Still Has A Job With The Government and Tommy Lee Jones looking really, really old.
Of course, the first MIB was something of a light-relief puffpiece which was the remedy to the shade of loads of overbearing, dense sci-fi flicks… but now?
Well, it’s just nakedly nothing more than franchisism. Is their any point to a new Men In Black film? YES THERE IS. AND WE’LL HALF-HEARTEDLY TELL YOU WHY.
The first Men In Black was dumb fun, while the second one felt like it was a weak enough concept being stretched to breaking point.
MIB3 knows this, and as such, has decided to throw some time travel at the whole thing. Obviously Doctor Who’s growing popularity in the States hasn’t gone unnoticed.
Anyway, before we get going, you should totally watch the trailer.
You’ll be amazed at how minuscule your emotion response will be to it. There’ll be a faint flicker of feeling as it trundles past your eyes. Your brains will barely register the goings-on, until some bloke does a passable impression of a young Tommy Lee Jones.
So, now you’ve watched MIB3 trailer, you’re thinking ‘Gah, it doesn’t look dreadful… just… nothing,’ right? So what can we get excited about?
THE SONG WILL SMITH WILL QUITE OBVIOUSLY RELEASE YOU NITWIT!
Of course, the first MIB single sampled Patrice Rushen’s ‘Forget Me Nots’ (which is just brilliant). Will Smith kinda ruined it, but what with him being a big, dozy berk, you couldn’t hate him for it.
For MIB2, Smith released the semi-serious ‘Black Suits Comin” which is just terrible. Clearly an attempt at recreating the first-bell adrenaline rush of Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J. Alas, it was all something of an ill-advised squib.
So, what is Smith going to tackle this time? Surely he realises that he only ever caught the attention of the public when using a catchy, well-known song and spinning it into the MIB franchise?
He’s going to have to look for a disco or funk break isn’t he? Wild Wild West was a terrible film, but his sampling of Stevie Wonder’s ‘I Wish’ saw him bagging a chart monster. As such, he should totally sample Average White Band’s Pick Up The Pieces and retag it, ‘Blast ‘Em To Pieces’ or, work in something about ‘time pieces’ if the latest caper is all about time travel.
Yeah. We want a royalty on this.