Michelle Heaton? Who’s that? Any non-UK readers might not be familiar with her portfolio of work.

Before we spawned people like Leona Lewis via X Factor, we had Popstars. She failed to make the cut in winning band and had to form a loser group called Liberty X. After a few years of vague success, that went belly up and now she’s famous for being Jordan’s poor quality mate.

When reality stars fail, they still try to hang out and squeeze more fame for themselves wherever possible. People like Michelle Heaton, who doesn’t know the meaning of the word failure, she just keeps on trying to come back bigger and stronger. But inevitably failing. Want to see her doing just that for Ireland’s version of The Apprentice? Of course you do, after the jump.

Realisation still hasn’t kicked in for Michelle Heaton. Hailing from Newcastle, she is in the back of the queue when it comes to the popularity stakes. Standing in front of her are Cheryl Cole, the toothy mouthed kid who just won X Factor, Ant and his mate Dec, Jimmy Nail and loveable drunk Gazza. Hell, even the man who invented Gregg’s bakery comes from the North-East.

We didn’t know that Ireland had a version of The Apprentice and neither, we assume, did half the population of the country. There is no powerful gimp like Sir Alan Sugar telling the contestants they couldn’t sell sausage sandwiches to fat woman at a gym whilst his smirking sidekicks kiss his arse and nod furiously.

All of the top celebrities must have been busy when the producers of the show rang round asking for people to help eventual winner Steve Rayner launch a brand new type of Ford Fiesta. Perhaps Bono was busy preaching to the world or flogging Blackberries to supposed trendy people. Either way, the definition of celebrity must have temporarily been lowered to allow Michelle Heaton in.

Taking a bit of cloth off a car clearly showed she was out of touch with hard graft, and ahe failed to do the task properly. Still, we’ve heard that Michelle will have plenty of time to recover for her next bit of work. Playing a giant bunny in an Easter celebration pageant in Stoke.

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