In the most shocking and horrific announcement of the week, it has been revealed that a new Carry On film is in pre-production.
It's to be called Carry On London and will tell the – no doubt hilarious – story of chauffeur company Lenny's Limos. The plot centres around Lenny and the night his company handles driving celebrities to "the Herberts," which are apparently a clever parody of the Oscars.
Wait, we think our sides just probably split.As if the thought of another Carry On film wasn't nauseating enough after the abysmal Carry On Columbus 14 years ago (oh yeah, and the 30 odd pieces of drivel that preceded it) the Carry On producers have also announced that Carry On London will star Shane Richie as Lenny. That's right readers, Shane Richie – aka Alfie Moon, the puffy-faced cockney twat from EastEnders.
Playing alongside Richie in Carry On London, as nightclub owner and gangster Two Fingers Tony Le Berc, will be Vinnie Jones. Vinnie Jones you say? Playing a gangster? Never. And if you were worrying about whether or not Vinnie has comedy in his bones, he has been quoted as saying:
"I'm really looking forward to it, Matron."
Whoops, there go our sides again. Let's hope Vinnie gets the opportunity to contribute to the Carry On London script, as he's clearly some kind of comedy genius. Carry On London was originally scheduled to shoot in 2003, also with a cast of EastEnders and other cockney twattage, but was delayed due to "financial reasons", which probably means no-one would put money into such a suicidal enterprise.
Well, now they've found some clueless sump to pony up the cash and the whole thing's back on. Carry On London will be directed by Peter Richardson, an old hand at alternative comedy on television and one of the men behind the camera for The Comic Strip Presents shows back in the day. All we're going to say is that if they couldn't even persuade Barbara Windsor to appear in the last one (she turned it down on reading the script) then that should really tell them something. Please, for the love of all that's holy, somebody stop them before it's too late.
Read more:
Ooh Err Missus! Vinnie In Carry On Film – ITV
[story by T. Perrin Sledge]